another woman baked husband's bday cake. need some insight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2013
another woman baked husband's bday cake. need some insight.
25
Tue, 11-12-2013 - 12:27pm

My husband's birthday was last week. I used to bake all the cakes for the family but the last few years have started buying instead. Our family bought him a small cake and gifts as usual. But when he came home he had a home made cheesecake (which is his favorite) that another woman had made him. I do not know her, she is the wife of one of his friends. I do not care that she baked for him necessarily, it was a nice gesture, but I do feel that she or the husband should have let me know that they were planning this. Our small store bought cake was quite overshadowed by her big, chocolate covered concoction and I felt a bit jealous and also bad that we had not done more for him as far as the cake went even though I knew we had gotten him what we could afford. I did tell him that I felt bad that I had not baked him something. He said a cake is a cake.. but I feel even if I did not bake it I would have liked to be involved. Also by her not telling me I feel she did not consider what our family may have already planned.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2013

Hello Myespforu,

Now I have a better understanding of what's going on. I'm sorry that this is happening to you!

You're absolutely right! Your husband has to say something or this isn't going to stop. If he does this that will be a great first step. He needs to straight-out tell this woman when she calls up asking for her husband that he will no longer update her on his whereabouts and since it's a personal matter she needs to discuss that directly with her husband at home. If she continues to call your husband he CAN call the police and tell them that she is harassing him at work. That's illegal (I've done this before and so far it has done the trick). I'm willing to bet that if your husband stands up to her and says something she will eventually quit. If the authorities need to be notified, then so be it. This woman's husband is in a controlling relationship and that can't be helped, unfortunately, unless the husband gets real with her and sets strict boundaries. 

Now that I understand this much more, I truly DO NOT believe that this woman gave your husband a cake as a "gesture of good will." I think you're spot-on as to why it was given to him, as to "repay" him. He needs to stop -everything- having to do with this woman and no longer accept gifts or anything of the sort from her. I hope your husband can speak up for himself  since her husband cannot. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002

You hit the nail right on the head, this is for your husband to put a stop to.  But the first thing he needs to do is to stop telling you what this woman is doing, and not to bring home any cakes she's baked (why is he worried about hurting her feelings, but yours?).  Next time he comes home with a cake from her, you can always *accidentally* drop it on the floor.  ;)

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

This is a very interesting & odd scenario.  Since I think you said that she brought the cake in front of her DH and now you say that she's always checking up on your DH it seems doubtful that she's romantically interested in your DH--but then with all this odd behavior, you never know what could happen.  I don't think you can tell your DH what to do unless he mentions it again, but if he says again that she's annoying him, maybe you could mention to him that he should just tell her to knock it off & not to call him looking for her DH unless it's an emergency--if her DH has a cell phone then she can obviously call him directly and ask him where he is--he probably stopped answering since the DW is such a PITA.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2013

That is funny..the idea of it "accidentally" falling on the floor did cross my mind but I figured I better not :-)  I better be a better person than that even though it was really tempting.   As far as her behavior yes her husband has a cell but the guy has to work so he can't answer every call or text. My husband said she accuses him of cheating so she is always wanting to know what he is up to. You are all correct, she is unpredictable and he needs to set boundaries.  Both of the men do.. I don't want her to one day decide she is going to start "leaning on my husband's shoulder" when she and her husband have had a fight. I don't like the fact that she thinks she can be contacting him as it is now. If I was calling her husband she would not like it. Especially since we do not even know each other. If she doesn't want to get to know me that's fine, I am sure I would not like her anyway...but she doesn't need to be chummy with my husband on the side.  Funny how some women are all about being "respected" themselves and will not tolerate anything, yet treat other women with disrespect and do not think about their actions.   

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007

I agree with the first poster.  The old saying goes: What you won't do for your SO......someone else will.  The few extra minutes it would have taken to bake a cake is worth it.

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