Any advice is appreciated!
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Any advice is appreciated!
| Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:27pm |
My husband and I have been together for a little over 7 years and married for a little over 4. He has 1 son from a previous marriage who is 8 and we have 1 son together who will be 2 next weekend. For the last month to two months, my husband has not been himself. He finally told me that he wasn't happy and that he doesn't know what he wants. I am completely devestated. I also found out that he was talking to another woman whom he was friends with in high school. He swears that nothing ever happened and that he even told her that he did not want to talk to her anymore. He left for a weekend to clear his mind and try to figure out what it was that he wanted and when he came home he said that he wanted our marriage to work but now that has all changed again. I don't know what to do and how much more of this I can take. I want to try marriage counseling but he doesn't want to talk to anyone that he doesn't know about this. I love him so much and I know that he loves me but says that he doesn't know if he wants this to work out. How long should I wait for him to figure things out? I don't want to have my son grow up in a divorced home but I also don't want him to grow up in an unhappy home. I don't want to stay married just for our son but I don't want to give up without a fighting chance. Where do I go from here? Do I sit around and wait for him to make up his mind or do I give him the ultimatum and make his mind up for him? Thanks in advance for any advice.

I feel like you are correct in asking him to go to counseling. He may not be ready, but I would express to him that it needs to happen soon or you are afraid you will lose the marriage, and you're not ready to give up yet. I'd be concerned that if he doesn't want to talk to anyone that he had already given up.
I am kind of in the opposite situation of you. I'm more in your husband's shoes. I know I have some things to work on for myself, and I am pregnant, so I am nervous to try to figure anything out before my hormones become somewhat normal again. Maybe he feels he needs to work something out before he can relay anything to you--that's how I am feeling right now. Is there any chance he would talk to someone on his own?
Good luck.
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Have you spoken to him about WHY he's dissatisfied with your relationship? You have been together for 7 years! How have you handled problems in the past? Why is this bump in the road different than prior disagreements? Have you been able to sit down with him and identify the source of your conflict?
You cannot save your marriage if the two of you are unwilling to discuss what is wrong with it. If he simply refuses to share his feelings with you and to work through them, then he obviously wants out of the relationship -- no matter how loudly he says that he wants to make it work.
I agree that the two of you should go to counseling. Remind him that all counselors are vowed to professional confidentiality, and there is no danger that anything you share would become common knowledge.
Good Luck!
PS- not to add fuel to the fire, but his 'going away for the weekend' to think things through sounds like a bunch of hooey. Where, exactly, did he go? This is my roundabout way of asking if he's seeing someone else.