any answers?
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| Thu, 07-05-2007 - 11:20am |
In response to this post by ukia
(I am 21 yrs old and have been seriously dating to a 20 years old guy for almost 2 yrs now. We are happily in love and we don't have any major issues. We trust each other. And my problem is not him, it's me.
Before I met him I was talking to this guy I met at a party. He was cute and also nice. I decided to date my now bf back then and decide to stay friend with the guy I met before my bf. I haven't hang out with him since I started dating my bf. We would talk on line or text message. Things are on platonic level with a little bit of flirting.
fast forward... He ask me to come hang out with his friends and him. He'd been asking me since we meet. He'd never ask me to go on date on anything. Just to hang out. I'd always say No because I am afriad my bf would get jealous. He doesn't know the guy personally. He only met him once.
I want to hang out with the guy because I consider him to be my friend. But deep down, I am attracted to the guy but I don't want to ruin the perfect relationship I have.
Does people attracted to other people aside from their significant others? I think it's normal to be attracted to someone but don't follow with action is normal right?
confused,
ukia)
In response to this post.
I often worry about my significant other leaving me for someone else or having an attraction to someone else. Though he gives me no reason to feel that way and we have the perfect relationship.
what keeps people together???? what keeps people in love??? im finding it really hard to understand this. i often ask myself "will he stay in love with me?" "will he fall for someone else?" i dont even want to bring my attractive friends around him because im scared he will fall for them. why do people cheat? or why do people leave there perfectly great relationship for someone else? any answers?????

Usually people cheat/leave relationships because they feel there is something missing from their relationship. It could be something physical, emontional, etc.
But every relationship is different.
glitter-graphics.com
>>what keeps people in love???<<
People stay in love while the relationship adds to their lives. While it continues to make them feel good about themselves. Having similar goals in life is important too - pulling in opposite life directions will make a relationship pull apart. Of course there are some really dysfunctional people who *love* people who make them feel bad, but this is not real love.
>>im finding it really hard to understand this. i often ask myself "will he stay in love with me?" "will he fall for someone else?" i dont even want to bring my attractive friends around him because im scared he will fall for them<<
This all goes back to your basic insecurities. Get some good counselling - these thoughts are not normal or healthy. What you seem to be forgetting is that if these things did happen (heaven forbid) then you don't want him anyway.
>>why do people leave there perfectly great relationship for someone else?<<
People DON'T leave perfectly great relationships for someone else. Two *emotionally healthy* people in a perfectly great relationship will be satisfied and not look elsewhere. The people who leave a relationship for someone else do so because the relationship is not meeting their needs.
In short, I want to reiterate that you need some serious counselling about this. One of the things that CAN drive someone away are the insecurities of a partner. It's gets real old real quick. Make yourself the best you can and your relationships will follow suit.
Nikkit, I was searching through your old posts and found this one http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlrelationsh&msg=28684.1&x=y which also details your insecurities.
You were given some great advice and I'm wondering what proactive steps you have taken to address your issues since this post. Have you started counselling or read any of the books?
If your haven't already started, you need to deal with this in a proactive manner NOW. You've got to do more than post your concerns on message boards. If you want your marriage to succeed you need to learn to be a complete, confident woman.
There is a saying (which I cannot remember) which goes along the lines of 'we get what we expect out of life'. In other words, if you expect that your fiance/husband will cheat or leave you, it probably will happen. But if you expect the best from him and give your best in return, then a bad outcome is much, much less likely.