Any help will be nice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Any help will be nice.
2
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 1:10am

Well I do not know how this can be said quickly but will explain:

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 10 months. She has had past problems with an abusive boyfriend of years ago, and also a boyfriend die while together. I have been supportive of her and the past things as much as I can be. We had a wonderful first 6 months, but all of a sudden everything changed. Our intimate relationship has not exsisted in over 3 months, that is a concern but not the most important one. She is a single child, that has been given everything since she was little, and I don't like to take this into account but she is extremely spoiled by her parents and hold their opinions on things as the final word. But, back 3 months ago, she had an interview for a job in Nevada, and since she had graduated college and was waiting for me to finish in May she went ahead and went to the interview. It was with the same company she works with ( a promotionial opportunity was what the interview was for), she had told me time in and time out that she didn't want to work for this company and wanted to use her degree, this had fustrated me, and I was not as supportive of her for the interview.

After she returned, she had a scheduled phone interview with the company, and I happened to call her during it, not realizing the time it was. She blew up at me, on how i never listen to her, I dont support her, and how I am ruining her opportunity. This, and also 3 lies i told (1. and 2. were lies that I went to class and actually didnt and she found out, and 3. was I trid to get help for her with the job through a friend she didnt like of mine, and lied and told her I didnt ask him for help), these things had set her in a tail wind of anger. She told me she was unsure about the relationship and didnt know if she wanted to be with me. This after we talked about moving out west together and living together, and I had serious thoughts about marrying her, and she knew that and had the same positive thoughts. But after all this she said her priorities are getting the job, moving, and training for the job, and I do not have any place on the priorities list.

While all this was going on, I was and still am battliing issues with depression due to the loss of my father. She wasnt compassionate of this at all and told me to "move on". This depression had caused me to lose focus and fail two courses (which currently am talking to obtain my degree). Once she found out about the classes, she had gotten even angrier with me. The thought of living together in the future was thrown from the window by her. The constant comments of "you arent motivated, you are lazy, and your not reliable" are all be layed out to me. Currently she is living in NV, and I am back in MN. We talk on the phone but it is not much substance to it, she has not said she misses me, she has not been the first to say "i love you" (something she did not say for weeks after the interview thing).

Now I am in NV with her for interviews, and it is the first time in 3 months we have shared a bed. I just get a feeling that things are over but then there is this glimpse that things are working. She wont kiss me, I have to kiss her, she wont allow me to cuddle with her in bed, "because it is to hot", and she is reluctant to show me any kind of affection.

Prior to her leaving we talked and she could not tell me where we were at in our relationship. She could only answer with "I dont know" when I would ask if she loved me.

I just need some advice. I love her so much and want to do anything to remain with her, but I feel all is lost, and I have lost a best friend and a person I wanted to spend my life with. Lost it all because of something so little, as what is going on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 1:24pm
Maybe you should tell her exactly what you wrote on here. I think that a letter rahter than a face to face coversation. GOOD LUCK. I am sorry to hear about the death of your father. MY DH just lost a grandmother, grandfather, and his dad in a year.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 7:55pm
I am sorry to hear about your relationship. As much as you love her, you might want to pay attention to what she is not saying. Have you thought of talking to her and really listening to where she is at with this relationship? You sound like a really nice guy and I hope you two are able to work it out. However, pay close attention to her body language. 93% of communication is non-verbal. Maybe she does not feel the way you do. I know that sucks to hear, but you deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as you love them.