Any hope for my situation?
Find a Conversation
Any hope for my situation?
| Sun, 07-18-2004 - 8:28pm |
Hi everyone! I'm 42 y/o, married for 8 years to a wonderful man and we have 2 great kids. In the past 7 mos, I've lost that wonderful feeling I used to have toward my DH. He's a wonderful father, caring & faithful husband, great provider, never harmed me in anyway, but I just don't feel anything for him. I've been in therapy for 3 years over self-esteem issues and my therapist has done wonderful things for me. DH has a low self-esteem, he's uncomfortable when we hold hands - he enjoys holding hands, it's just that he tenses up when we do it . . . I've tried to get him to relax, but it's useless. His idea of spontaneous sex is asking if I want to do "it" 15 mins. ahead of time. Even though I've told him I'd like some spontenaity (sp?), he's unable to do even that (I always surprise him when I initiate sex). He seems very uncomfortable initiating any emotions toward me. He grew up with alcoholic parents and my MIL isn't the most "warm & fuzzy" person you can meet - she's nice, but not that warm. The bottom line is that I don't find myself sexually attracted to my husband anymore. We've tried everything to spark things up in the bedroom, but he is unable to be creative, plus he cannot last very long and I'm tired of always "finishing up" what was started. I'm finding sex with him to be very boring. Occasionally, we'd argue about him not lasting long and me taking too long to come and he'd say that he's afraid I might leave him.
I'm finding myself fantasizing being single again. Just being on my own, without a man in my life looks very appealing to me. Eventually, I'd like to have someone in my life who's my soulmate, someone I can talk about anything with - DH thinks the worst and jumps to the wrong conclusion without asking . . . very frustrating.
Am I such a horrible person to let this man go? On the most part, he's wonderful and we get a long just fine. But he's more like a friend than a husband.
Any thoughts?

I think that you need to follow your heart. Life it to short to not do what your heart is telling you too....Have you ever heard of the "children live what they learn" poem? I think it canexplain your husbands situation- not make excuses for him, but explain....
Best wishes to you,
http://www.webedelic.com/church/learnf.htm
Thank you for your response - I guess I just need to hear it from someone else.
MB
The reason why I posted on the board is the hopes that someone has/is going through this situation, to get feedback, and just to vent. Outside my therapist, I really don't have a lot of people I can talk to about this because everyone in my life is so close to my husband.
I appreciate your response and your honesty. Thank you for sharing an opposing view!
MB