any opinions please

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
any opinions please
8
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 8:51pm
i have been seeing this guy for three weeks now and i really like him. we had sex early on even though i knew we sjould have waited. i really enjoy hanging out with him and would like to be his gf. when we hang out its cool i just wish he would ask me out on a real date. our dates basically consist of going to the mountains and talking and having sex. i basically told him that i was liking him and wanted more than a friends with benefits relationship. he says he is not ready for a relationship. so i basically said that we should just stop having sex and he agreed. i kinda want to continue having sex with him cuz i know that if he is getting it from me he wont look elswhere and besides the sex is great. the problem is that i want something of a real relationship with him. he tells me he cares about me but then i always have to call. he tells me to call him everytime we hang out. i wish he would call me more instead of having me call him all the time. please any advise would be appreciated cuz i know that i am in a mess.

thanks

mo

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 8:59pm
My wish for you is that you seek out counseling to raise your self-esteem so that you wouldn't even THINK of asking this question!

It breaks my heart to read things like this, that you don't KNOW you deserve better. Please get some help.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 9:13pm
"i kinda want to continue having sex with him cuz i know that if he is getting it from me he wont look elswhere"

Please don't justify having sex with him by believing this myth! Have sex with him because you are ready, because your relationship is ready for that type of intimacy, or because you enjoy being physical with him. DO NOT have sex because you think it will keep him in your life! Just because he is in a sexual relationship with you does not automatically mean that he is not involved in a sexual relationship with any one else, ESPECIALLY if you have not made any type of committment to each other concerning relationship status.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 9:24pm
thanks for your advise. i really dont think i need counseling cuz im doing great in every other aspect in my life. i am just having a little trouble in the guy relationship area. im going to stick to the no sex and see what happens. i am also going to stop calling him. i guess i will see what happens with him after that. do you think that if he really cares he will continue to call me and try to date me instead of just wanting to have sex with me? do you think that could happen?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 9:28pm
i do enjoy being physical with him i just want more out of this than sex. what do you think i should do? should i just stop calling him or try to be friends and see where that takes us? do you think that would be possible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 9:33pm
I think that is a start - no sex, don't call him and don't hangout with him too much or don't see him unless he asks you out. But you will have to try to find others to date and hang out with or you will go crazy and blow it with him.

This is a lesson for all of us on what not to do for the next time. Guys always want the path of least resistance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 11:36pm
thanks for your help. those sound like great ideas.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 2:54am
I think it *could* happen, but it's not very likely. Men tend to know what role they see a woman in pretty early on, and if he saw you as a potential gf, he would have treated you differently from the start. I slept with my ex-husband the night we met (not behavior I endorse or engage in now, but that's how it happened), but he took me out on a "real date" the 2nd time we went out and generally treated me like a gf, not a FWB.

I actually don't know very many people who couldn't benefit from counseling, but if you are one of the elite few, that's great. But from the sound of your posts, it really sounds like you could use a tune-up in the self-esteem area as it relates to your relationships with men.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 10:28am
thanks for your reply. i will think about that. your right anyone can benefit from counseling so thanks.