AP got caught!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
AP got caught!
Mon, 04-07-2014 - 9:36am

Well the nightmare has arrived!  ugh!

AP left his phone unlocked and unattended.  CRAP!  His wife found texts between us that was very obvious we were having an A.  She found me on his FaceBook page too (although we've never communicated thru that... it's just to look at family pics).  This was the 3rd time she's caught him.  yeah.. he's a serial cheater.  She screamed at him all night til 4am.  then woke up and yelled some more.  I guess she's not throwing him out.

BUT......  he and I are leaving tomorrow for a 4 day business trip (I go with him when he goes out of town).  We are still going.  He said we have to cool it when we get back.  I don't think he can just give up what we have.  We've been together for nearly 4 years and are very close (yes.  we say ILY).

My stomach is in knots.  I was so excited for our trip.  This kinda took the "wind out of my sails". 

Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thu, 04-10-2014 - 8:23am

I agree with Khatru.  You don't have a relationship, you are the affair..."fun" with no responsibility, accountability, or commitment.  You are the person that has to be hidden from reality because you aren't part of his reality.  You are the fantasy.  He cheats and lies, and he will always cheat and lie...with his wife, with you, with everyone around him.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 04-07-2014 - 2:44pm

There are other boards here for affairs, you have no relationship to work on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 04-07-2014 - 11:10am

Well, this is the third time she's caught him, and who knows how many times she didn't catch him.  And, since she didn't throw him to the curb the first two times, she's not going to do it this time, either.  So, if you have any thoughts that one day, he'll be all yours, think again. She's not throwing him out, and he's not leaving.   You said it yourself, he's a serial cheater.  If he wanted out of his marriage, he'd BE out.  He's happy where he is (no matter how terrible he TELLS you it is).  Also, just remember, those two other times, I'm sure they exchanged the ILY's too........why not.  Words mean nothing to a man like that.  Neither do vows or promises, obviously.  I was married to a serial cheater, and it was a lot more than three times.  I had women calling my house, telling me that they would "get" him!  I got anonymous mail, with details.  Eventually, I got sick of him and his behavior, and I divorced him, but not before he BEGGED me to call it off, before he CRIED on his knees.  He even threatened to do something "drastic"......at which point I told him to do whatever he needed to do.  Within a month, he was married to his "girl of the month", and eventually she divorced him too....remember, if they cheat WITH you, they will cheat ON you.  Men like that need their ego fed......they need to feel that they're irresistable to all women, and usually they are........for the moment.  He doesn't love you, he loves that you love him.  Being the other woman isn't fun........If you have any self respect, don't settle for that.