ARE FEMALE FRIENDS OK??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
ARE FEMALE FRIENDS OK??
6
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 4:18pm
HI! PLEASE RESPOND! MY QUESTION IS IT OK FOR YOUR HUSBAND TO HAVE FEMALE FRIENDS..MY CONCERN IS THAT IF THERE IS NOTHING TO HIDE THEN BE OPEN WITH IT...WHY DOES SHE ONLY EMAIL HIM AND CALL HIM AT WORK...WHY DOESN'T SHE CALL OUR HOME?? HE CLAIMS THEY ARE ONLY FRIENDS AND THEY HAVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE CHILD HOOD. SHE CAME TO OUR WEDDING! THE THING THAT GIVES ME DOUBT IS THAT IF IT IS TRUE THAT THEY ARE ONLY FRIENDS WHY NOT CALL OUR HOUSE???? HE THINKS I AM JUST BEING INSECURE??? HELP!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 6:13pm
OK calm down...

You say they have been friends since childhood, so of course they are going to have this friendship, they are nearly like brother and sister!

You have to understand that even if they are friends, she is not going to call YOUR house and ask to speak to YOUR husband. So they are going to e-mail, and call during work hours.

If your husband wanted something with her or if he had the feelings you suspect he has for her then, trust me , he would have married her and not you.

Everybody needs their space, and their own group of friends, when people get married its like ok, what friends do I introduce to my partner? which friends do I just keep to myself because my partner wont understand them? and which friends do I just set aside?

I am sure that you had male friends you grew up with and occasionally see them and chit chat. You have to express what you feel to your husband and that way he can explain to you about his friendship with her.

Either way I think you should just let him keep his friend, he chose you to spend the rest of his life with, and I am sure he loves, but you can't expect him to get rid of his friends because of your insecurities.

I think you need to get some information on the web about your insecurities and try to see what you can do to be more confident about YOURSELF.

Good luck and be blessed!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 6:25pm
Is she married? Have you met her?

My boyfriend has two long-time friends, both female, they always call him at work, seldom do they call the house. BUT, I have met them both and when they email, he blind cc's me (his choice) so we can plan get together more effectively. I always have to ask if he's heard from them, but he always shares with me when he remember or I ask. One is very draining, he says, and I agree after meeting her, so he tries to rush her off the phone. The other, we've had more problems with as she had a harder time grasping personall boundaries, but things have improved greatly over time.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 2:40pm
Hi! Thanks for your response. Yes I have met her. My issue with it is not that he is friends with her but more that he goes out of his way to cover it up! He will never even mention it that they speak. He also changed her name in the email list so I wouldn't realize it was her..So my question is if it's nothing then why are you going out of your way to cover it up...I knew they were friends prior to use forming a relationship and I never had an issue until he started trying to cover it up. For example if they are such good friends...we went to visit to the state she lives to visit some relatives, so don't you think we would of saw her...since they are good friends and they haven't seen each other in a long time!

He knows what my issues are!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 2:43pm
Sorry I forgot to respond...No she is not married.
Avatar for heatherjohnst
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 4:39pm
If it were me , I would think something is going on between them other than friendship . The red flag for me would be the secretive way he's being about the email. I'd be wondering what he's trying to hide. My way of dealing with suspicions is - say nothing , just quietly "observe" every single detail. Then trust your gut feeling about her. Whenever I'd ignore what my instincts were telling me , I was always sorry later.

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 8:25pm
HI! THAT IS THE SAME REASON I WAS HAVING DOUBT AND SAID SOMETHING TO MY HUSBAND. HE SAYS THEY ARE ONLY FRIENDS AND HE CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I WORRY ABOUT SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T EVEN LIVE IN NJ WITH US. I'VE SEEN MESSAGES FROM HER ----> WHICH HE GAVE ME HELL ABOUT. HE SAID I QUESTIONED HIS INTEGRITY AND DIDN'T TRUST HIM!! ONE MESSAGE WAS RIGHT AFTER WE GOT MARRIED...SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO ASK HIM SOMETHING, BUT NOW IT IS KIND OF LATE..SHE NEVER ASKED THE QUESTION. THEN SHE WOULD ASK HIM ABOUT OUR KIDS ALL OF THE TIME AND WOULD JUST TELL HIM TO CALL HER... AGAIN I GO BACK TO I DON'T CARE THAT THEY ARE FRIENDS AND I NEVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH IT UNTIL HE STARTING GOING OUT HIS WAY TO HIDE IT. HE SAID BECAUSE I KNEW HOW YOU WOULD ACT. WHICH IN MY EYES IS A BUNCH OF BS BECAUSE I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IT UNTIL ONE DAY I STARTING PUTTING ALL THE PIECES TOGETHER.

1-SHE ONLY EMAILS HIM AT WORK

2-I NEVER HEAR ABOUT HER

3-HOW COME SHE DOESN'T CALL OUR HOUSE

4-WHY DID HE CHANGE HER NAME ON HIS BLACKBERRY

5-WHY WHEN WE WENT TO GO VISIT HER STATE? WHY DIDN'T HE CALL HER OR VISIT HER? WE WERE LIKE 10 MINUTES TOPS FROM THE AREA SHE LIVES IN.

6-EVERYTIME HE GETS UPSET WITH ME HE TELLS ME HOW MUCH HE HATES NJ AND IS GOING BACK TO WHERE HE IS FROM...

WHAT MAKES ME WONDER THAT I MAY BE WRONG IS?

SHE KNOWS HE IS MARRIED AND HAS KIDS EVEN CAME TO THE WEDDING (THEN AGAIN SOME WOMAN KNOWINGLY CHEAT WITH MARRIED MEN)

PART OF FEELS LIKE I SHOULD JUST LET IT GO...MY SISTER IN LAW FEELS IF IT'S SOMETHING IT WILL COME OUT ALL IN THE WASH LATER ON! THE SITUATION DOESN'T SIT RIGHT WITH ME FOR SOME REASON....YES IT MAY BE INSECURITES BUT I THINK HIS ACTIONS HAVE PUT THE DOUBT IN MY HEAD...HIS BEST FRIEND WAS TALKING TO ME AND HE SAID..IF THERE WAS SOMETHING GOING ON THAT HE WOULD OF KNOWN, AND I SAID YOUR HIS BEST FRIEND..LIKE U ARE REALLY GOING TO TELL ME. HE SAID WE ARE BEST FRIENDS BUT WHAT IS WRONG IS WRONG! I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK BECAUSE HIS BEST FRIEND IS MARRIED AND ALTHOUGH HAS NOT CHEATED THAT I KNOW ABOUT IS ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT WHO HE IS LUSTING ABOUT AND I SAID WELL LUSTING ISN'T RIGHT.