Are his fantasies normal? WIll he cheat?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2011
Are his fantasies normal? WIll he cheat?
24
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 9:17am

I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 9:37am

Hi;

I dont have any good suggestions for you but I am wondering? Do you think he is a sex addict?.. Someone with poor

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2011
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 9:52am

That thought crossed my mind as well.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 10:12am

Yes that drive should be there in a romantic relationship as well. In fact I think his heavy use of porn and his picture taking is what really turns him on. I see it as very related to his needing viagra at 37 years old. I question his answer to you when you asked him if you "do it" for him. I really don't think that you do. It's not that you are unattractive but his energies have been concentrated on his online activities and not on you and in real life. I'll bet he has no "troubles" while watching his computer stuff. Porn can be part of a relationship but it can also take away from it if it gets out of hand, and in this case it has.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 10:46am

I really don't have a good feeling about this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 11:01am

Fantasies are no longer fantasies when they've been acted upon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 12:03pm
I'm sorry, but I really find the fact that he takes pictures of women on the streets without them noticing or consenting to be REALLY creepy. Not only that, it's technically illegal. If any of those women found out, they could sue him.

Aren't there enough pictures of women on the internet? I think he gets an unatural thrill from that, almost sounds like a voyeur(sp?).

I think he does have a problem, and whatever that may be, it's his and his alone to work on.

Since it was you who instigated a break up (in reaction to his non-communication of course) it "technically" isn't cheating, but I would feel disgusted and betrayed too.

I think that at his age (37) that this behavior is inappropriate. Having random sex in a parking lot with someone he met at an online sex site is really messed up, even if you're "heartbroken". If he really was hurt and surprised about your actions, and had the maturity of a man, he would have pursued contact with you to explain to you where he was coming from and tried to work things out.

Also, I'm sad to say, is that it takes a little more pre-meditation to get a girl from a website like that to meet up with you than signing onto the site for the first time and initiating contact with a random stranger. He probably already had an account for chatting or something similar. Unless the girl he slept with was a prostitute, and he is too ashamed to tell you he paid for the sex.

Both of those are not ideal of a mature, supportive partner, and to me would be deal breakers.

I'm glad he came clean to you. Please get yourself and him checked out - in fact I would make that a requirement to him if there is even the slightest possibility of you two working it out.

I would also bring up that you will not consider a future (relationship, marriage, kids, w/e) until he seriously works on his issues, and/or pursues seeing a therapist.

You may be frightened to ask if you don't want to "lose" him again, but if you are going to forgive him and rebuild trust, you deserve no less than his total committment to earning those things.

Plus, this pattern he's in isn't healthy. It can only do him good to get healthy.
But for this to work he has to want to get healthy. If he goes through the motions just to "keep" you, there will be no progress. Just more heartbreak for the girl who got her hopes up.

So look at this as objectively as you can and ask yourself if you think what you have with him is worth the pain you feel now and the possible pain you will feel in the future if more stuff should happen.

More than the survival of this relationship, focus on your own well-being.

May clarity and peace of mind find you Atlantis....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 10:48am

You are so rationalizing this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2011
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 2:19pm

Well, I am upset about something else now also.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 5:41pm

oh gosh what bulls**t

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2011
Tue, 06-14-2011 - 8:43pm
Girlfriend ... run, don't walk, run away from this guy. There is no way that you'll ever have a happy relationship with this kind of trouble now.

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