Are my actions going to push my first love away?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2011
Are my actions going to push my first love away?
4
Fri, 07-22-2011 - 10:46am

I am a 26 years old and have dated a lot, but am finally in a relationship with a guy who loves me as much as I love him. It's been

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

The first step is backwards, to look at this situation clearly.

You've been dating someone for two months which is a tiny blip in your life time. You are barely getting to know him... I know you love being with him but you will find out so many things about him and many of those things you will not love. So saying you love him may be accurate for now, while you're seeing the best he has to offer, but will your feelings change when you start to see the darker side of his personality? One that EVERYONE has but is almost never apparent in the first two months?

He's distant and moody, maybe that's not because of you, maybe it's his personality, maybe he's going through things he's not telling you. Pushing him to talk will drive him away. Especially if you do it through text message.

You want things to go back to normal but your relationship hasn't even begun to hit "normal" yet. What if "distant and moody" is normal for him and you're just now figuring this out?

The best way you can handle this is to give him distance, let him come to you if he's going to. Meanwhile, take care of your own life and indulge your friendships and hobbies and career. Don't initate contact. Sometimes, in this stage of the relationship, you have to give a person enough leeway to prove themselves to you. And if things don't start to recover, if he doesn't have an explanation, it's a really important fact to take into account when you're thinking about whether or not you want to stay in this relationship. And at two months, you're still trying to learn enough about one another to determine if this is the right relationship without making too much of a commitment too soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2011
Wow, thank you undercovercrab. That really helps.. I'm going to try to see it in that way and change my perspective. Nothing is certian in this world, especially new relationships, and we all DO put our best foot forward first. Thank you for your time!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

I completely agree with UCC.....you've known this guy for 2 months.....which means you don't know him at all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
I agree with UCC! That was great advice.