are they really "just friends"?
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| Sat, 06-05-2004 - 7:48pm |
Brandon and I work together. At work I am beginning to see a relationship, platonic or otherwise I'm not sure, form between Brandon and another female coworker. This girl is not someone I trust, and not a friend of mine. They hang out talking quite a bit (never outside the workplace), share private jokes (some sexual in nature, which he has told me about) and I have even seen them physically touching (her standing in front of him, holding his arms and him trying to grab her hand as they walk near each other). He mentions her name quite often in our conversations. There always seems to be a very tense feeling in the air when the three of us are in the same vicinity. I dont know if I am imagining it, but they seem to be very uncomfortable when the three of us are together.
Last night Brandon and I were going out to have some cocktails. We were trying to figure out where to go, and he suggested our place of employment, which is a restaurant/bar. We arrived, had a couple drinks, and LO AND BEHOLD look who's there...the coworker. She decides to hang out at our table..Yay. After some time, I went to the ladies room. When I returned they both started cracking up, high fived each other, and he proceeded to say "that was the funniest thing I've ever heard". I asked him what was so funny, and he said he'd tell me later. After a period of time I became increasingly uncomfortable with the three of us hanging out, and told him I wanted to go home. I decided I would ask him the next morning about their inside joke, as I had had a couple of cocktails and decided I would see things clearer in the morning.
This was the inside joke:
her "There are no cute guys in this place. how can i make my boyfriend jealous if there is no competition to check out"
Brandon "well, i'm cute"
her "yeah, but you're taken"
Brandon "doesn't mean you can't think i'm cute".
her " i guess i'm the one checking out the competition"
I was surprised he would tell me this conversation because to me it seems so blatantly obvious that it was a heavy, heavy flirtation. I know that people say "flirting is good" and I don't disagree. However, when you are developing a friendship, relationship with someone it is going beyond flirting. I told him that if anything is said to a person to the opposite sex which provokes the response "yeah, but you're taken" can't be a good thing to say when you're in a committed relationship. He disagreed. I asked him if he had changed his theory on men and women being friends he said that yes, he had. He now believes men and women can be "just friends".
I am just so utterly confused by this. This is exactly how him and I began our relationship...the flirting, private jokes, talking online (which I believe they do, not sure). He swears his undying love for me, yet I feel like I am watching him fall in love with someone else as well. Am I being extremely paranoid or can they really be "just friends"?

I think all you can really do is tell him exactly what you told us here - how seeing the two of them together makes you feel. If he wants to stay with you he should set her straight and stop this nonsense.
I am thinking maybe he likes the attention she is giving him but has no real intention of making things go further. The coworker on the other hand is not to be trusted. She has to use sexual inuendoes to capture his attention and that is stooping very low. On the other hand, if this is what you did in the beginning then look what you have now - maybe this is a lesson for the future?
Set your boundaries and then wait. Time will tell you. Take heart in knowing that if this relationship doesn't work then he lost much more than you did.
*ezizabef*