Are we going through tough times or is it time to let go?
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|Mon, 09-05-2011 - 11:13pm|
Good evening all :smileyhappy:
I've got a bit of struggle going on with my partner and maybe sound opinions from you more experienced ladies could help.
Currently, my boyfriend and I (almost 4 years together) are going through tight $$ times. This has led us to fight and argue even more than before. I work a full-time job for social service which is very unstable right now due to the economy. I'm not even sure if I will have my job by the end of the month. I make enough for only 1 person to live off. My boyfriend makes minimum wage working the night shift in a motel. He gets no benefits whatsoever.
We have been arguing very often last couple of months. I have been very unhappy. I think for me the issue here is that I don't respect my boyfriend anymore. I know he is a nice guy, but we have struggled so much financially for the last 4 years.
When we met, he told me he was going to go attend architecture school and move abroad.When he found out how much in debt I was before I met him, he helped me setup a way to pay off my debt, but he didn't give me a dime to help. He stated "Since it's your debt, you have to pay it off." He said this after he took back what he said when he was going to help me. I thought, okay,that's fine,it is my debt.True. We moved on...
He had been relying on his dad for the first 2 1/2 years of our relationship. When he quit architecture school, his dad cut his funds, but still allowed him to live at home rent-free. The reason we lived there was because we didn't have anywhere to live after returning from abroad. When we lived abroad, I had paid all the expenses for 3 months with the money I saved.
Around that time,I was super stressed out. I was very depressed. I even had to ask my family for help. I had to ask my family for money and to borrow a car from them, while he didn't even bother to ask his dad for help. My family is blue collar workers barely making ends meet; his dad is a kidney doctor with million dollar investments with 5 vehicles. My boyfriend doesn't like to ask his father for help, yet he doesn't talk me out of asking for help from my family.
I couldn't find a job for 9 months. While I searched, he didn't. He stated he might not find much because he saw how many rejections I got in my inbox. That was his excuse. We lived off my credit card and now we're in debt, enough for house payment, just because he didn't want to look for a job. In the same year, I became pregnant and I lost the baby in less than a week. I was super stressed out. I was very depressed. I even started to hate him. By October, I was employed and happy to be working. He also obtained the minimum wage job a month later.
Now, we are still in debt and in even more. I cannot say I blame others, but I blame ourselves. And I blame myself for allowing my boyfriend to push me to the financial limits. Every week I am scouting for pennies because we are always tight. He likes to go out to eat everyday because he doesn't cook. He wakes up in the afternoon after his night shift. He likes to hang out with his friends and pay for their stuff once in a while. And when he doesn't have money, he likes to drag me along because I usually put out $$.