Are we just friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2007
Are we just friends
7
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 8:01pm

Hi I am 29 year old female. I work with a 30 year old male in the same department. We are good friends at least I think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 8:13pm

If a guy says "I'm not ready for a relationship" it means he doesn't want a relationship with you.

You'll have to break the ice somehow, you can't go on being awkward to one another forever! It wouldn't hurt to say "sorry if things are awkward now, I'm not really sure of what to think about what happened"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2007
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 11:02pm

I don't pretend to understand people in general, but I do know a thing or two about shy guys. You might call me a bit of an expert...

Telling others that he doesn't want a relationship isn't necessarily a bad omen. If I were you, I'd be concerned, but don't give up hope. Shy guys don't like to talk about how they feel. There's a good chance that he only told this person he wasn't interested because he really couldn't let the cat out of the bag.

You need to find out how he really feels, so here's the short and long of it... Ask. Try to get him outside of work again, and ask him what's up. Something along the lines of, "I would love to take things further, but if you don't want to, I don't want it to affect our friendship." Let him know that there's no pressure, and then you'll get to the bottom of things. As a bonus, if you don't find a new lover, you'll at least have a decent friend. Who knows? For shy guys, a friendship is an excellent way to start a real relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 5:32am

I think guys with sincere interest don't get scared and don't use some line about how they are not ready for a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 5:57am
When I met my boyfriend, honestly neither of us wanted a relationship. it took several months of us spending time together for our minds to be changed. and mine changed first! I had to convince him. but I wouldn't bring up the word relationship after a first kiss, it tends to scare people off. just talk to him. ask him what's up and what he is feeling. maybe he meant he didn't want to see you as more than a friend at all, or maybe he is just scared. there is only one way to find out. either way it is a good idea to tell him you don't want things to be awkward and you would like to be friends either way, that will take the pressure off the situation and might even help loosen him up a little bit about it! good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 9:01am

If I were you, and knowing that he's shy - i would email him to discuss things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 11:51am

Welcome to the board ivil_gypsy,


First, you already got some good ideas on how to approach him both in conversation and email.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 12:27pm

I agree with the let him do the pursuing part.