are we normal?
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are we normal?
| Wed, 06-20-2007 - 10:27am |
i am a 24 years old, married for 4 yrs, have been with my husband for 5 1/2 yrs, have known eachother for 10 yrs. We have a daughter who is the greatest thing in the world..my problem is I think I am burnt out..meaning I have a 4 yr old and I baby-sit a 19 month old from 645 til 5 every day work saturday at a medical office from 8 am until the last patient leaves which is anywhere from 12-2ish and I own my own pet care business so sometimes for example today I was up and out of the house by 530 to go let out/feed a dog and home by 645 and then after the child I baby sit leaves tonight I will be out checking on the pet then i have ALL the household chores and all Madisons care and cooking and making sure bills are paid and reminding my husband to mow the grass, trim the yard, etc. on my plate. We get along most of the time and granted life isnt all to bad but it seems like when we do argue its a bad one. And I will say this up front I am no better than he is on this but for example we both say things to hurt each other as in name calling even in front of our daughter and saying things like well its not like you pay the bills or not like you work or do anything...or i will say do you just want to get a divorce and it will be remarked back like well if you keep being this way I will. and usually only lasts 10-20 mins and he will say i cant leave you nobody else will put up with him haha or you know I am just an A**. My problem is I came from a family that I dont remember them fighting like we do I dont remember them in eachother's face cussing at eachother. Am I naive to this? I dont want to lose my family/life but I dont want to live knowing when we do argue 1-2 times monthly that I will say rude things to him and know I will be said rude and hurtful things to also.

Well, of course you're burnt out. You've quite simply got too much on your plate. But what you haven't explained is WHY you work this much.
Are you using work as an escape?
Does your husband not work?
Are you supporting a lifestyle with lots of consumer items?
Perhaps all of the above?
>>he will say i cant leave you nobody else will put up with him haha or you know I am just an A**. <<
Can you also explain more about your husband's behaviour here? If it's true that he's an A** and that nobody else will put up with him, why on earth do YOU put up with him? Also, do you realise that such a statement shows that he has absolutely no intention of changing. Each time you fight with him, you are simply wasting your breath.
This yelling and cussing infront of your child is totally unacceptable, and I'm sure you know this. But before we deal with that issue, I'd like to understand what's going on before you get to the point of fighting. Perhaps you wouldn't be so volatile if you're under less stress. Perhaps you need to be away from him. There are many different answers to the yelling, but first we need to understand what's behind it.
Lastly, when you reply, could you please use some paragraph breaks? They'll make your post much easier to read :-)
well I have worked at the same place since high school so going on 7 yrs and I love my job but the BIG downer of this place is its long hrs. We are open from 8am-7pm M-F and Sat 8-?.
So basically before I had my child it was ok for me to work long hrs and not get home until later but with the kid it was much to late and hard to find a sitter for us and daycare was just way to much money to spend for the amount I was making plus the longer hours.
My husband does work and he is a very very good worker. He works usually 50-60 hrs a week or more if he can. And yes we do have some debt mainly big student bills that is getting paid off.
If I was to quit working we would struggle but no be able to make it but neither of us want to count pennies for a trip to Mcdonalds. So when this baby-sitting job came up from a friend I jumped at it knowing it was gonna be hard with 2 kids but being able to be at home and able to do the housework during the day and getting our daughter on a schedule was worth it to me. As far as my business it kinda turned into one since I did it for so long for friends and their friends and hopefully one day I will have enough business to just have people work for me.
As far as him saying it usually its his way to say sorry in a joking manor and yes I know it prob wont change to much granted he is a lot better than it was before. I do love him and we have always had a good time together but we both get mad the same way and when we do argue its always a big fight and hurtful things are said that I never forget.
I know, I try not to cuss infront of her and if he does I say something to him about it. Its not good for her and I dont want her to grow up thinking this is what love is and its ok to call people names.