Are we over?
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| Thu, 04-17-2008 - 8:39am |
Let me give you a little background, I have posted on here before so some of you might know my story. I have been seeing this man for about 7 months now and when we started he was not looking for a relationship because he was hurt in the past and would not risk getting hurt again (not sure if thats an excuse) and I was. He told me what he wanted and I told him the same. but somehow we started dating. We have been to movies, dinner, breakfasts, out all the time together. I usually see him about 4-5 times a week and he calls me everyday to say hi or to check in. We ended up having sex about 3 months into it, because he wanted to wait. He comes over and spends the nights all the time and alot of the time he just comes over and we just sleep, no sex, just spending time together. Things were going really good the last month, it seems we have gotten closer. He works alot of different shifts at work and works alot of the time. Well about 3 or 4 weeks ago, one week I did not get a chance to see him cause of work and he had an opportunity to see me and he went home instead. I called him mad and told him how I felt and then hung up, the next day he had flowers and a card for me, which was really sweet. He really doesn't ever show his feelings at all, anytime, but this to me was a big step. Then things were going really well and well this week when I saw him on Sunday he said to me that if he didn't work on Wednesday that we would go out, he would check his schedule. So Tuesday came and I saw him and he said to me that he was working in the day and that after work he was going to meet a friend and go out to someones bday party and he hopes he isn't out all night. I was so mad, but I didn't confront him right then and there.
I went home and sent him a text and then called him but I assume he got the mad text I sent and didn't answer the phone. I left a message for him to call me but nothing. Morning came and I called him and he answered the phone. I told him that I was upset that he made plans (also knowing that is the night I do not have my daughter) and then went and made plans with someone else. He said he didn't think our plans were set in stone and that he didn't remember saying what he said. He said he would cancel and we would go out and I said don't bother and to have fun going out that I would make other plans and then I hung up on him! I told him that if this is not what he wants he needed to tell me but he said that isn't what he wants. I was so mad at him. He kept saying he would cancel and then we would go out but it is the principal of it all, making the plans when you said we would go out. He just sat there on the phone and was quiet and when I hung up I said I will talk to you later and then just hung up the phone. Well I didn't hear from him at all during the day and then the night came and NOTHING. He never called me at all. I am so upset about the whole thing and am doubting if I was wrong in all of this?

Personally, if you called me and sent me an angry text message I'd be reacting the same way your man is. Yes, its ok to be upset that he mentioned you'd get together and he then made other arrangements. However, he's correct in saying nothing was set in stone. He said many times he'd cancel his plans and you got upset with him and hung up. That is immature behavior. Its also showing neediness which is not an admirable trait.
I know you don't spend alot of time together, but at the same time there is nothing wrong with him making plans with his friends. Don't smother him and make him feel like he *has* to be with you.
You have every right to want to spend time with him, don't get me wrong. Its just the way you have to go about it I think needs to change. The next time something like that happens simply say something to let him know you want him to enjoy himself with his friends but that you're a little disappointed you won't see him and leave it at that. Forget the angry texts, the phone call hangups, etc.
Your relationship may now be at the point where you need to sit down and figure out where its headed. You both initially said you weren't looking for a relationship but it looks like you found one. Make sure you're on the same page. You are obviously invested in it, make sure he is too. His actions may say it, but if he comes out and tells you he still doesn't want to be involved seriously, then you'll have to decide what to do.
Either way, its time for you two to sit down, have a talk and clean the air.
Good Luck!
I think it's fair that you ask to go out once a week, but I also think you're overreacting. He had a chance to see you 3 weeks ago but opted to go home instead. Maybe he was tired, but you didn't have