Are we in trouble?

Avatar for badkitycat
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Are we in trouble?
5
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 6:34pm

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 6:53pm

Yes, the fact that the sex has dwindled so much and that's he's involved with these porn and dating sites online is not good. It's clear that something is going on with him...that at the very least he's involved with fantasies about others, and perhaps as you suggest, he may be actually thinking of going further. A guy can say he loves you (and actually love you), but still be unable to remain in a committed relationship. It is also possible that he is developing or has developed an addiction to fantasy and porn. Some of the points you make suggest it: the fact that the sex has dwindled and that you find him browsing around a great deal on line with sex and women on his mind.


You have to sit down with him and discuss this honestly. It's not about your "snooping", but about the fact that his behavior has changed and that there are boundaries that must be established in the relationship about what is and is not acceptable. His behavior seems to be over the boundaries and it is quite understandable that you would feel uneasy and insecure. Let him know that. Discuss it fully. If he is unwilling or unable to do so, it may be of help to you to speak to someone yourself about what is going on (a counselor). Or, you can simply become very clear about what it is you want in a relationship, and see if this relationship is filling the bill. Or, if he is willing to work with you towards making it all you both truly want.


Once you are clear about what you want and need and allow yourself to have it, then it will be easy and clear to see what decisions to make next.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 3:20pm

Welcome to the board badkitycat,


::Should I be concerned that sex has dwindled from several nights a week to a few nights a month?


Yes, especially if his other 'activities' are replacing sex with you, which it sounds like it has.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 9:57pm
I'm glad to see you found your way over here! :)

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Avatar for badkitycat
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 7:53pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 8:10pm

Hi again,


I'm glad things are going well.... I just wanted to clarify that 'other activities' wasn't code for masturbation.