Asking too much?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Asking too much?
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 10:12am

BF & I have been together 9months. I am 28, he is 25. I am the most serious relationship he's ever had- he is not mine though (I have been engaged, which I broke off).

June has been a weird month. He was gone for 2 weeks for work training in another state for his new job- when he got back he ran into some work issues he was not happy about & some roomate drama. He told me he needed the weekend alone to decompress & get things done since he was away. I gave him that space & after the weekend thanked me for understanding & was back to his loving self. Things have been back to normal. A few months ago he brought up moving in together. He has made many many comments about it such as "When we move in together" ,etc. He has even brought up marriage quite a few times. I have always made it a point to never bring up serious issues like that to a guy, even if I am thinking about it- but once he talks about it, I recipicant. We talked about moving in together late fall (his roomate is leaving then). I am in a little pickle now where I have to move out of my place end of summer- I am trying to figure out if I should just get my own place or my friend said I can stay with her until the fall. I told my BF this & asked if he'd given more thought to moving in and he said "I'm not ready". I just said "Oh" and got quiet. He asked me what I was thinking. I spoke openly with him- I did not cry, I was calm & spoke openly & lovingly. I just told him that I felt he was not as into our relationship as he used to be. He asked why I would think that. I told him that he's been pulling away alot & used to want to spend everyday with me and now not so much. I told him "When you do X, it makes me feel Y". I told him how it confused me how he would talk about moving in like it was definitely happening & how he would talk about getting married & now wasn't ready after filling my head with those ideas. I asked him where he saw us going, we are coming up on a year. He said I was overanalyzing things again & that June he was away for 2wks & when he needed space it had nothing to do with me. He was getting a little heated & saying I didn't understand him. I calmy told him "that's why I am having an open conversation with you- I want to understand what you really mean & think instead of making my own wrong conclusions" He started calming down after that. He told me he loves me & wants to be with me. He said he feels like he's neglected his guys friends & feels he needs to make "boy time" too because we've been doing everything together. I told him I totally understand that & he should do that. The conversations kind of just dwindled away from there & we had a fun rest of the day.

Later that night, out of nowhere he grabbed my face & actually teared up and said "I love you so much & am so fourtnte to have you in my life". And last night said something about "Our wedding".....

I find it so confusing- am I looking into it too much? Am I asking too much for 9months together??