awe its killing me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2008
awe its killing me!
8
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 2:59pm
ok so i started kinda seeing this guy and for the first month it was perfect then i had a little episode and o started freaking out cuz ive been so hurt in the past that i do not know how to relax and it was bad i blew up stormed out his apartment and ever since then he has been different and about every three days i start to overly text message him and it turns into an argument and him calling and telling me i worry to much and that im acting crazy and that if there wasnt any good in all this then we wouldnt be talking and we juss hung out two days in a row and it was awesome its perfect when we are with eachother he still pays kisses me in public holds my hand . but when we arent together and i ask if we can hang out and when he says maybe im suppost to watch the game with some friends .. i get upset and here we go again and then he will reassure me and i feel better and the process keeps repeating all my friends say wow u needa chill ur pushing him away and i asked him i said i dont understand how u went from being perfect and always making an effort to barely acting interested and he said cuz you started freaking out over nothing like you are now .. and like tonight he said we might beable to hang out if he didnt have to go with his friend to his friends to watch the game so i was hoping all day we could hang out and of coarse he is at his friends and i blew up and he was like your doing it again and said your right im not interested in being around you when you act like this ..grr what should i do????
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 3:15pm
Whew... !

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 3:37pm

Welcome to the board breakaboy21,


Learning to relax takes times. The ability to turn off your mind, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2008
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 6:17pm
Ok. I really like this guy and we met almost 2 months ago everything was perfect . then one day i freaked out and we got into an argument about the whole thing and he told me to relax and that
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 7:16pm
I used to be high-strung like this. You need to handle this on your own, as you are clearly not ready for a relationship. If you ever want to have a healthy partnership and not continue to push everyone away, recognize that YOU have the problem (not him) and get some therapy or reading material on this subject. Nobody (and I mean nobody) is going to be willing to put up with this type of behavior (I lost a two-year relationship because of this very thing). Your friends and the guy you are dating are doing you a favor by calling you out on your behavior.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2008
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 8:11pm

yeah your right and i know that if it doesnt work out its because i can not stop . it was so perfect in the beginning and now its ugh he takes the time to talk about it and like you said call me out

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 8:25pm

Usually insecurities like this are based on self-esteem issues.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 8:49pm

Hey Break,

I used to do the same thing to my boyfriend, ask for a kiss. And he used to tell me the same thing: "Don't ask, just do it!" You have to understand that we ALL have insecurities. Some more than others, but we all need to learn how to somewhat control them. You are over analyzing EVERYTHING and you are going to drive yourself insane. The guy you are dating sounds like a decent guy, but even the most caring, considerate guys aren't going to stick around to put up with this. Some good advice I got once: you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. You need to know that you are something special, so why the hell wouldn't your boyfriend be interested? HE'S the lucky one! You need to keep telling yourself these things. And another thing I found useful: by asking your BF all these questions, it doesn't prevent the inevitable. If he doesn't want to be with you, he won't be with you. Asking him 50 times a day won't change his mind. You need to just let whatever happen happen. And believe me, I know this is way easier said than done and it can only be achieved with time (and counseling, hopefully). But it IS possible to learn to go with the flow. The first step is to force yourself to stop asking the insecure questions. With time, you'll stop thinking them too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2008
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 9:10pm
your completely right and its funny cuz i tell my self the same thing . but he isnt my boyfriend it was headed that way until all this we act like a couple when we are out or talking my problem with not being able to stop bugging him or keep on contacting him after he had said he was busy or watching the game is becasue i cant stop thinking its cuz he is with another girl or when he doesnt answer a text message or when he cant hang out i start to freak out thinking oh he must be with someone and ill ask