awkward hygiene/personal care question

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
awkward hygiene/personal care question
5
Mon, 05-19-2008 - 7:58pm
I'm dating a guy whom i care about a lot, but there are some "issues" I have with his hygiene and i don't know how to approach him about it He's a very giving man and it seems that he's so busy caring for everyone else that he neglects himself. I just don't know that I can move forward in the relationship without resolving these issues. (It's things like oral hygiene, showering daily - we have a very active sex life, etc.) It's becoming a bigger and bigger distraction for me and I've tried to talk with him about it, but perhaps I was too indirect?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 05-19-2008 - 11:03pm
Why not ask him to get in the shower with you before or during sex? Make it fun. If you think it might affect his work and regular life then talk to him about it. Tell him you love a guy who stays clean and tastes good (brushes his teeth).
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Tue, 05-20-2008 - 11:50am
Thanks. it's not just about being intimate, it's about overall personal care. Not brushing leads to gum disease and worse, and one brushing before sex isn't going to fix that. I remember a time when I didn't take good care of myself and I know where I was at emotionally and with regard to my self -esteem. The more I learned how to love myself, the higher the priority I became and the better care I took of myself. I realized that I was worth the time and effort, and let go of the guilt for taking time to dote on myself a bit. So, I look at it on a deeper level, in combination with other ways he neglects himself. I also realize that these things catch up to us later in life. (I'm 43; he's 48.) The older we get, the harder it is to change and the longer we neglect our selves and our health, the more permanent damage is done. Well, enough pessimism and negativity for one day! lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Tue, 05-20-2008 - 11:51am
But I do like your showering before and during sex suggestion! And I gotta tell ya, despite the issues I raised, the sex is damn good!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2008
Tue, 05-20-2008 - 3:01pm

If he is still having sex then he cant be too depressed...but just enough to start not caring.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 10:53am

Be clear, and direct with him, though gentle. Preface what you have to say by telling him how much you care about him and also ackowledge some other positive things about them. Then mention this issue of hygiene and how much it is a problem for you. When you communicate in the right way and the other doesn't feel attacked or denigrated, they can then hear you and hopefully make the changes you need.


Best wishes,