a Baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
a Baby
8
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 2:51pm
Hi! I just found out in December of 2002 that my mate has had an affair. The affair resulted in a baby we talked about the situation which he states only happen one time. He told the female he did not want anymore children she insisted on having this baby. We also have a child together. We went to court for a paternity test per her request. I saw the baby she looks just like him. What bother me the most is that I have accepted his infidelity but constantly thinks about the whole situation. It seems like I can't get pass this, please give me some loyal advice on what I should do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: shakia4
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 3:28pm
You wont be able to get past it since there is a baby involved. This baby will be a permanant reminder that he betrayed you. Good luck & hugs!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: shakia4
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 3:30pm
If he didn't want any more children why would he have sex with someone and not use adequate protection. Please don't blame her at all for this - even if it makes you feel better. Ask yourself if this man is a suitable role model for your child. My answer would be no - what's yours?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: shakia4
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 5:11pm
Are you placing blame on her for not giving up the baby in order to make your (both of you)life easier? She made a choice to keep it and he can either stay involved in it's life or move on. If he does move on easily, what does that say about him? If he stays involved in the child's life then it will always affect you. Think about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
In reply to: shakia4
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 6:33pm
No I am not blaming her for the situation, But I don't know if I'll be able to stay with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: shakia4
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 7:39pm
I don't blame you for your feelings. You did state in your original post that you have gotten past his infidelity though. Have you?

What about your child together? Will you be able to stay on good terms for the sake of your child?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
In reply to: shakia4
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 7:50pm
not really, and I would never kept his daughter away from him
Avatar for mamma2my3sons
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: shakia4
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 9:51pm
You picked a lousy boyfriend. I know you're hurt but I don't think it should be a huge surprise to you. The fact that you & he are not married despite having a child is a pretty good barometer of your relationship.

This other woman is now in basically a similar situation as you except she hasn't known him as long, nor had the expectation that she was the *only* girlfriend! Just like you did not choose to abort, neither is she. (although you may wish to suggest adoption to her as another alternative)

I don't know that you *should* "get past" this. Your boyfriend has lousy values & has severely hurt you as well as possibly exposed you to std's. All for the sake of *his* own momentary pleasure. What does that tell you about how important he views *your* relationship?

I'm sure you and your child deserve better than to live like this. (remember children learn what they live & they mirror *our* relationships)

My advice would be to realize that you have more value than to settle for what little this guy has given you. . .

I'm sorry, I know you're hurting.

Barbara

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
In reply to: shakia4
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 2:46pm
This situation really sucks. I'm sorry, I know you hurt right now. Not only did he cheat on you, but he had a baby with another woman. Why would you still want to be with him? He'll undoubtedly cheat on you again; it's never a one time thing. What kind of a role model are you being for your daughter? What kind of example are you setting? And if he knows you'll just "forgive" him when he cheats, why would he ever even consider stopping? He can have his cake and eat it, too. I would leave him. You and your daughter deserve better, and next time he cheats, you'll have yourself to blame, as well as him. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.