Is that bad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Is that bad?
5
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 4:52pm

A quick background I've been with my bf for over a year, but got engaged almost right away. He's everything i've ever looked for in a

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: phantom27
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 5:46pm

Welcome to the board phantom27,


Is it possible that you and your bf and in a rut and as a result it has caused the feeling for this other guy because you are looking for someone excitement?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: phantom27
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 6:16pm

Welcome to the board phantom27,


Well, there is nothing like that first love as we tend to idealize it a lot.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: phantom27
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 6:58pm

Marriage is a huge step and it sounds like a good thing that you have both stepped back a bit and are taking time to reconsider. When we move too quickly it can push us to a place where we do not yet belong.


Clearly, you are not totally sold on this guy. If there are feeling emerging for someone else, it seems as though it's a good idea to take a few more steps back and really look honestly at your relationship with him. You mentioned there are problems. Why not get some help from a counsellor in trying to work them through or figure out how you truly feel. It's always best to be complete with one relationship before you start the next. The feelings for the other guy are a real sign though that you need to come to grips with what's going on with you and your boyfriend.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: phantom27
Sat, 02-16-2008 - 7:38am

Can I ask how old the two of you are?

"A quick background I've been with my bf for over a year, but got engaged almost right away."
Big relationship red flag.

"nstead of rushing into getting married, we decided to take a step back, referring to eachother as gf/bf again with no future wedding plans/dates."
This was probably a good idea. But, going backwards is very difficult and sometimes impossible, you can't simply make yourself forget that you at one point considered yourselves engaged.

It seems that you really aren't in a situation to (sanely) consider marriage to this guy. Not just because of your coworker, but as Dr Shoshanna said, you don't seem sold on the idea of marriage to him at all. Although getting a serious crush on someone else after only a year into this relationship (it really is a relatively short time) doesn't do much to bolster your faith in your compatibility with your boyfriend. It's totally fine to have crushes on other people, I'd say it would be kind of weird if you didn't (I sympathize with having an extremely hot coworker :)), but it shouldn't be jeopardizing your feelings toward the guy you made a commitment to.

Try your best not to compare feelings for different guys. We all have different chemistry with different people, and that will always create different reactions. What matters is if you feel really good about your decision to be with this guy.

Give it some time, get to know your boyfriend even better, and the answers will make themselves more clear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: phantom27
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 2:16pm
Thanks so much for everyone's responses. I'm glad to know that it's normal to have crushes. We probably are in a rut right now while how busy our lifestyle as been. And it's been diffcult to take a step back from the engagement, but