Bad Best Friend Of His
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| Wed, 02-25-2004 - 3:54pm |
Well, I refuse to be around this person, or visit them. I feel angry and will not apologize for my contempt at this person who has behaved immaturely and with a lot of disrespect towards me. I am angry at my husband for tolerating that in the past and not telling this supposed best friend off for his behavior. I feel like he betrayed me by talking about our relationship problems to his best friend and not to me. I'm very hurt by the whole thing. I'm lucky because I do not have to see this person anymore. But I'm also very upset at the mention of this person's name to this day. We still fight about him and have unresolved issues once a year about that.
I want to know if anyone's mate had a horrible best friend, and how you handled it.
Thanks.

When I first met my boyfriend, he was "best friends" with a couple. He knew the woman first, then met her boyfriend (they got married two months after I met him) anyway, they didn't like me. Why? Because they were use to having him all to themselves. She (M)claimed by bf was her best friend. M shared inappropriate things about her relationship - sex, fear of marriage, etc. Then said to my bf, you are the kind of guy I would be interested in. GREAT Even though this was before me, she had those feelings and felt she had say over what he did and didn't do - like decorating the house (even after I was there). She's make statements that were lies, snub me, tell him I was jealous, tell him I wasn't right for him, tell him that he ditched all of his friends because of me (she never thought that just maybe he enjoyed spending more of his time with me). On the way home from their reception, he asked me what I thought of her friends. I said they seem nice. He proceeded to tell me something very private and personal about each of them (things that M had told him about her friends - I'm talking rape, drug use, suicide, incest - things that were none of my business). I very calmly said - How sad for her friends. He asked Why? I said, because I bet they have no clue that you know all these personal details of their lives that M shares with to you or other people. He said something about all people have charater flaws. I let it go.
Every time they called, came over, etc, it was a fight. Finally, I gave up. And lo and behold, 5 months after their wedding, M betrayed my boyfriend in the exact same way. And he found about through another person. When he confronted M, she said she didn't do anything wrong, couldn't understand why he was upset or felt betrayed. Needless to say, we don't see them often now. Thankfully.
Count your blessings that you don't live close. Up until Dec, this couple lived two doors down from us.
Sorry you have to go through this. Let the friend have enough rope, eventually he will hang himself.
Edited 2/25/2004 5:48:22 PM ET by itwinflame
Carrie
Sometimes men don't like to see their friends happy. They say the things they do under the guise of "friendship" because they are jealous or don't want their "buddy" to be happy with a woman - or taking them away.
My exbf never stopped passing on this informatin to me, either. He was not strong enough to think for himself.
Perhaps that's what's happening to your's.
And that’s where the trouble started. He didn’t win, and I took his buddy. Later after dating my BF for a month or so I found out that I sure was one of the lucky ones that seen thru him, because he had a GF at home 7 months PG with his child. And found out that he was the mystery man that one of my friends was so in love with. And the longer we were together the more I found out. I even found out thru some mutual friend that he had even slept with my BF's X wife while they were still married. I have never had the heart to tell him that, and the friend even admitted it to me one night when he showed up at our house when he knew my BF wouldn’t be home and tried to hit on me, like it was supposed to make me want to sleep with him because the x did.
The best advice I have for you is, if you love your husband try not to go over board with your feeling for his friend, I did that at first and it seemed like it was just more problem them it was worth, eventually the friend will trip his self and your husband will see him the way everyone else does. My BF's best friend did this by calling and threatening me when he didn’t know the answering machine had picked up first.
It took 3 yrs with my BF's friend and in the mean time I did everything I could to stay out of his messed up life. I did become friend with his girlfriend and that was hard, because of all I knew. I was just straight up with the guys and said if she ever asks me anything I wont lie to her. And I didn’t, little to say she has said good-bye to him now, and he isn’t in our lives that much either, because of the threats on the answering machine and because he sees it its all my fault she left. The friend has even went as far as to tell me to my face that he would do anything he could think of to break us up. There just are guys out there that can’t stand their friends being happy, and can’t let go of the single guy thing no matter what.
"Sometimes men's friends don't want to see them happy because of jealousy, etc."
That is so wise and true in this case. His best friend reminds me of that guy in "The Talented Mr. Ripley" movie with Matt Damon.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REPLIES!
I WILL DEFINITELY KEEP THAT IN MIND and I feel so much better because I was thinking I was the only one that had this problem. It really helped to hear your experiences and get some insight on this.
You guys are so great!