Is this the beginning of the end?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2012
Is this the beginning of the end?
Sat, 03-17-2012 - 11:11am

Hi, I'm new to ivillage and there's something that's been bothering me for far too long and there's no one I can ask for support or advice on what to do. I feel like I've tried everything. I'm sorry for the long post but please take the time to read and help me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 03-17-2012 - 11:31am

I think a lot of people have the impression that just because someone is "nice" they have to keep going w/ the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 03-17-2012 - 1:54pm

I completely agree with Musiclover (as I almost always do!) and everything she says.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 03-17-2012 - 5:08pm

I completely agree with what has been written so far.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sat, 03-17-2012 - 6:07pm
"I feel like I can't keep hinting him any more"

Then stop hinting and try actually talking to him directly about how you're feeling. Relationships can't survive without communication.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 12:26am
Part of the issue may be the problems you mentioned that he is having. If his head is elsewhere. Or perhaps his confidence is low, and he doesn't know how to be spontaneous. Instead of sitting around waiting for him to read your mind, try grabbing him and showing him how it feels to be a man! It goes both ways. You can teach him. As far as finding things to talk about, perhaps neither of you have anything new to talk about.

That being said, I've been in a past relationship where the guy was too nice. Wouldn't say no to me. Mumbled and hrm'd everything I said. (Sounds kinda like your guy) He had no confidence, and nothing interesting to say. I tried to give him a boost, but I found it was only me trying hard, and he never knew how or didn't have the guts. Either way, I ended the relationship. And to be honest, I sometimes wish my current bf was more like him. GL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 1:02am
I think your at the point in your relationship where that new relationship high has faded, and it's become boring. The point when couples sometimes start to take each other for granted and stop trying to keep the relationship intresting and exciting. But really if all he doing is mumbling few sylable answers and not even talking to you, then this is showing a pretty extreme loss of interest in the relationship. Here's the thing though, Men can often be quite dense when it comes to knowing what a woman needs to be happy, and often times ya just gotta spell it out for them. Or in other words sit them down and tell them that you haven't been happy with how the relationships been going lately and explain to them exactly what you need to be happy. If he isn't willing to listen and show a lot more interest in the relationship, then I'd say it's probably run it;s course and you should be thinking about moving on. GOOD LUCK.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 9:59am

and he could be tihnking the same thing, and just not be sure about how to end because you are a nice person. TIme for some brutal honesty.

Avatar for lizmvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2001
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 11:10pm

OP, I agree with deedle and the others.


Clinical Research Associate


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 8:33am

If you were married with kids it would be one thing. But a relationship that can fizzle out like this after only a year and a half doesn't have a lot of lasting potential to begin with. I agree that you should be with someone who makes you feel great about yourself, not someone you want to avoid because you can predict how bored and frustrated you'll be.

I know it sounds like a convenient answer, but you should probably find someone who makes you feel good about yourself. He may be a really decent person but that doesn't entitle him to a relationship with you.

Sometimes (not always), nice guys are tremendously boring. You're not cruel for wanting a different relationship.