Being independent problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Being independent problem
8
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 10:02pm

Hello.


I hope someone can give me some good advice for me. I know this sounds helpless or even stupid to some people, but I found difficulty to be independent to be

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 10:38am

It sounds like this reltionship is not working for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 1:11pm

Welcome to the board yokotakano.


In addition to the different expectations in how you spend your time together as a couple, I would also suggest there might be an incompatibility - he wants to see you in the afternoon and then go with his friends at night - he's not including you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 8:16pm
How long have you been together? Have you asked him if he would spend more time with you? I don't see a reason to break up over it if you haven't discussed it yet
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 10:21am

We

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 11:02am

To be brutally honest here, ANY relationship can get through the first few months if you have even the most basic attraction to one another. You're not riding on any "real" emotions or connection. You get tested a little bit but you're still not getting the full package. If things get really bad after the honeymoon wears off, that's not a good sign. A couple that is right for one another will have built up an intense love and caring for one another, and a realization that they are fundamentally compatible. Couples with a lot of differences can get along very well in the early stages of a relationship because difference makes things more exciting, and creates more carnal attraction. But it's the people who want to work for the same values, beliefs, and goals together that will ultimately make it. Also, two people can have vastly different exteriors but still at their very cores be compatible and similar. This kind of stuff is not usually seen by an observer. It's usually personified by the way they interact in private.

If he really doesn't want to talk to you because he thinks you have nothing in common, I can't for the life of me understand why he's with you at all. You sound like a very good communicator trying to talk to a wall. You could be the world's best orator, but in the end, you're still talking to a wall.

He's either realizing he's NOT compatible with you after all, or he's fighting off the end of the honeymoon period. Normally if the latter is the case, it doesn't take this long for him to settle down into the next phase of the relationship. At this point, if I were you, I might take his concerns about compatibility seriously.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 11:21am

If you have communicated what you want and need from this relationship and he flat out says he can't give it to you, then it's time for it to be over.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 11:04pm

I wasn't trying to make the point that he

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 11:15pm
You might share many things but that doesn't mean you belong together.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo