best friend/girlfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
best friend/girlfriend
4
Tue, 01-22-2008 - 6:02pm

I have been in a relationship for four years with my best friend turned girlfriend. During the last few months I was finishing college and I began to push her away. I did not show her the attention she deserved. She wanted a commitment and I was unable at the time to give it to her. I am now finished with school and she has since moved away. I am feeling the regret of my mistakes. I told her how sorry I was and that I want to change and become a better person. I realize now that I want to be the person in her life. When she moved she said she just wanted a break. I was fine with this and hopeful that in time she would change her mind. She has since said that she is not feeling what we once had. I am so scared that I will lose her, and keep in mind that we are best friends. What advice does anyone have with this situation? I want to be the person she wanted earlier in the relationship. Thanks for the help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 01-22-2008 - 6:18pm

You are who you are. Why do you want to change? For a girl?

She really wanted a commitment (marriage?) before the end of college? I don't know anyone who was ready to take that step at that point in their lives, regardless of how long their relationship was. I don't think you would have been doing yourself a favor by backing down and giving her a commitment you weren't ready for.

After four years and going through one of the most life-changing periods in life, of course she's not going to feel the exact same for you as she first did. We are barely more than babies when we are college freshmen... :)

Only time will tell at this point, good luck and make sure to take care of yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
Tue, 01-22-2008 - 7:08pm
Thanks for your reply. I forgot to mention that I graduated last May and I was 27. She was 27 and had been done with school for four years. I now feel that I can't lose her and she is now at a new job and not thinking of a commitment right now. She says that only time will tell and she cannot give me an answer right now. I tell her that I will wait forever for her and I think I really mean it. I also do not want this to screw up our friendship, but I am afraid that it will never be the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 3:42pm

Welcome to the board macc2008,


Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do to make her change her mind. If you want to wait for her that is your choice to make. You have let her know what you want now, and all you can do is wait for her to make her decision.

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Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 7:19pm

It takes two people to want to be in a relationship.Clearly, she was very disappointed when she could not get the committment from you and may have lost trust in the relationship. If she will still see you, see her, date her, try to build back the trust. Ask her what she needs from you now in order to be willing to resume the relationships, and give her what she asks for. I'm not sure she will go forward at this time, but certainly it is worth a try.


All good wishes,