Between a Rock and a Hard Spot

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
Between a Rock and a Hard Spot
6
Tue, 01-15-2008 - 4:10pm

Me and my boyfriend have been together 3 years now and have known each other for 4. We are 22 yrs apart in age. For the most part we have the same interests, except TV. The age difference has never been a problem, I don't think!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 01-15-2008 - 4:44pm

Welcome to the board brunson7,


:I have hinted to him on several occasions what I need and or want in the relationship to see if he gets the idea, nothing.


Hinting does not usually work with guys. They are pretty literal and you need to

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 01-15-2008 - 5:05pm

"I feel this relationship is unrepairable"
If you truly feel this way then that's the answer.

I guess I don't see what you're looking for. Your communication with him isn't very good, there hasn't been affection or romance for a long time, he text messages you with mean things... Why do you stick around? What's so great about him that you're still here for?

I also agree that hinting does not work with men. You need to tell him what you want and ask if he can give it to you. If you want marriage and a house together, then you need to tell him that you want to be married and you need to make sure he understands. You have been together long enough for these things to be more concrete, not just little talks that you have here and there.

He's right, you do have to talk, but it's not great that he left for four days. That's not a mature way of handling an argument, neither is sending you nasty messages.

Let us know how that goes, maybe he'll give you some insight as to how he's feeling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 01-15-2008 - 5:20pm

Welcome to the board brunson7,


I agree with Carrie that you will just have to come out and tell him what it is that you want. Also I don't think you will be able to help him with his problems from Vietnam. I really think that would take a professional and more than likely he still isn't going to open up them. That was a horrible war (not that all wars aren't) that really messed with a lot of people's head that served in it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 12:55pm
If you want a new house then buy one on your own. Your relationship has too many problems to fix and you are obviously unhappy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 1:01pm

Well with all said and all comments issued. I thank you all.


I guess 4 days away done some good. Everything from the hints to the feelings and the wants, all got brought out in the open, finally. I now know what has been bothering him for a very long time. It is his Vietnam experience. This has carried on into his

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 2:34pm

It takes two people, who communicate with each other, to make a relationship work. It sounds as though he got scared when there was the possibility of becoming even more committed, buying a home together, and went off the deep end. Obviously, he has many feelings which he is not aware of, which came bursting out. There is no excuse at all for his being "mean" to you. What is now needed, clearly, is for the two of you to spend some real time exploring what's going on. It sounds as though you could use a professional to assist you, as he has no awareness of himself, and the two of you are not used to communicating. I would find a good, well trained, couple's counselor and go for sessions together, to understand what happened, and how he truly feels about being together.


All good wishes,