Bf of 6 years wants space...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2005
Bf of 6 years wants space...
9
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 10:37am
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 11:56am

A guy who thinks every other woman is a slut and often goes to strip clubs isn't ready to marry. Add to that his age (technically an adolescent) and listen to his words. He isn't lying to you. The truth is that he isn't ready to settle down. His desire to live like a 23 year old is stronger then his desire to get married. IMO, he and you should date in your 20's.


You have learned a hard lesson here about depending on another person to make you happy and it also seems

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 12:53pm

Here's your previous posts for others to catch up on your situation:


Hes having alot of doubts and fears...


Help me..Bf of 6 years wants space


You can add to any of your posts when you want to give an update. It helps to keep all the info together in one place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 1:10pm
cr00.., I remember your posts from pretty recently and I recall responding/other people giving you great advice. Has anything specifically changed since the last time you posted? I remember that he was in this juncture in his life without a clear direction except that he was retreating from you emotionally. A lot of people weighed in specifically on the facts that he's very young and has only known you as a serious partner, getting too serious too soon/too young, and marriage not being a wise option to consider at this point. As the CL said you can always reply with an update to your previous post and it will bump to the top. My question is, since the general question of his age/commitment have already been heavily addressed, is there something more specific or more recent that you'd like input on?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2005
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 2:05pm

I saw him yesterday. I think what was making me become a tiny bit stronger is because i feel he might come back to me but i just dont know. I had spoken to his cousin to ask her if it was another woman so i can just move on quickly with my life and forget about him she said no not at all that he loves me, he just needs time alone. Well he hadnt called me and i hadnt called him but i ended up seeing him at my friends house yesterday

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 3:18pm

No need to be sorry!! I just want to know if we addressed your original problem or not and what we can do to help with recent developments.

You really shouldn't get your info from other people, no matter how close they are to him, because you'll open yourself up to "he said she said" and if stories are different you won't know which one to believe.

It also occurs to me that perhaps he looks like he's not hurt is because he's TRYING not to look hurt. You're right though, you should not be initiating contact with him at all. You're also right that it would probably be wise to avoid serious relationships for the time being, but even though you feel as though your world is falling apart... This man is not your world. You are the sun in your own solar system! He was a BIG part of your life and it feels empty when a big part of our life isn't there anymore; things we used to do suddenly stop happening, a companionship we used to count on suddenly disappears. But your life goes on no matter what because your existence doesn't rely on him.

This can potentially be a very good time for you if you use the time wisely - not dwelling on him, not spending time where you know he'll be, but bonding with your child, fostering friendships and relationships with family, finding new things to occupy yourself with, doing things that you might not have thought of starting when you were with him, maybe a craft or sport (I just started kickboxing, it's awesome!). I know time is limited when you have a baby but there is always something you can do. If you sit here just waiting for him, then the time you have now will be wasted.

You'll get through this time, whatever happens, you will be JUST FINE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 3:45pm

<>>

This guy is telling you he wants to break up with you instead of stay together and run the risk of cheating on you, because he feels so strongly about experiencing life with other women. I really wish you would see that this guy is not invested in a "strong, beautiful relationship" with you. He's a KID. 21 is an absolute kid. ESPECIALLY a 21 year old guy (sorry guys, but my brother is 21 and...wow. Haha.). You can't do anything but either A) wait or B) move on. And waiting will just make you miserable. You shouldn't have any expectations of this guy. Sorry, but how can you even BEGIN to talk about marriage with a person to whom you have to TEACH to pay his own bills?

I think it's fair enough to say that he's just acting his age. I realize it's very, very hard, but waiting around on him to grow up isn't going to make him grow up any faster.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 5:20pm
You have a baby with him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2005
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 10:02am
No way :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 2:49pm

Please just let him go. You DON'T have a good, solid relationship. Don't you understand lasting, healthy relationships are not built on insane jealousy about hanging out with friends, suggesting a BABY (for God's sake, this is the worst) to hold a relationship together, and then breaking up the next day. If you both were mature enough for a serious relationship, you wouldn't have shunned all of your friends, wouldn't be complaining when he hangs out with his friends, and you certainly wouldn't have to FORCE yourself to go out with your friends once in a while, nor would he be calling you like a stalker. And again, his role in all of this is summed up BY THE FACT HE IS TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD. And to top it off, you lived with him AND your parents. It just isn't conducive to a functional romantic relationship.

It does not happen overnight, and it seems like the end of the world, but if you continue to just say "I feel stronger today because I think he might come back" or you assume that he is going to eventually come back (which you have no proof of), you are never going to be able to move on from the miserable phase in order to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It DOES get better, but only if you're willing to let it. .