BF doesn't know what love is
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BF doesn't know what love is
| Tue, 04-27-2004 - 1:14pm |
I've been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years and things have been great. He's incredibly affectionate, kind, considerate, and caring. However, I told him I loved him for the first time a few weeks ago and he didn't respond. I just brought this up to him and he said he doesn't know what love is. He said he said it once to an ex and it made him totally uncomfortable so he promised himself he wouldn't say it again until he was sure he felt it. He said his view of love is when two people can't live without each other and get really upset when the other one isn't there.
I'm a bit confused as to how to handle this and I do want to hear from him in words that he loves me. His actions all show that he does so he simply asked that I let his actions speak for his emotions. I'm a bit torn as to how to handle this. On the one hand, I really want to hear him express his feelings for me as he never does. But on the other hand, I constantly hear from others how much he cares about me and that he thinks this is the best relationship he's ever been in. Any thoughts on how to handle this situation?

How many times have you heard the pat response when it was plainly obvious that they didnt, they said it to shut you up. It was mechanical, it was constant and totally unreliable. They were in like, yes, but not love, and jumped a process and you'd think, "How can you do that when you say that you love me?" Because they didnt, right? Or at least their type of love didnt hold any value or security for you.
He's taking great care to assure that you harbor no false illusions, that he doesnt pretend to be somewhere that he hasnt gained yet, though he does care for you very deeply. To me that is solid, gives faith, shows honesty, and a deep consideration of your feelings and heart to not just tell you what you want to hear when it may or may not be true. Sounds to me as if you have a very good guy hanging in there at the moment and you should wait and see, though I do know that its hard.
His actions are promising, instead of his words, and that is a much better situation than the other. He is putting your heart, and his, into deep thought and consideration and taking his time.
When he does say it, you can have true certainty that he believes in his words enough to speak them. That its real and not just said without the first reaction to speak otherwise.