BF found a huge secret and I'm scared...
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| Sun, 10-19-2008 - 10:34pm |
I've been with my guy since I was 17. I am twenty one now, so it's been about 4/5 years that we've been together. He's my first serious relationship, so in the beginning of my relationship with him I did a lot of immature things that really hurt our relationship. I lied a lot and he would later catch me in my lies, and I was very impulsive. This resulted in us breaking up three times in the course of our 4/5 year relationship. My best friend is married to my boyfriends cousin, they've also been together for 4/5 years and just got married last year.
This takes me to my story. Two years ago, my best friend found out she was pregnant, she didn't believe in abortions, so she kept the baby. I found out I was pregnant, three months after she found out she was pregnant, and I got scared. The first person I called was my grandma. I was 19 at the time, and a sophmore in college. My grandma told me that my parents would kill me and disown if they found out I was pregnant, and that I was NOT in any position to take care of my baby and neither is my bf--my parents don't really like him either, so it would've been messy. And I myself did not want the baby or the pregnancy. I was sick, and I was missing class, and I just knew that it was not right for me to keep a baby that I did not want. So I made an appointment to get an abortion without consulting my guy. The reason I did not, was because he does not believe in abortions. He is pro-life. And he thinks abortions are evil. He's always made this known. He could never be with a woman who aborted his baby. I felt that if I told him, he would force me to keep the baby. So I went ahead and made the appointment. In the meanwhile I started to have second thoughts. My grandma and my friends pressured me into keeping it a secret and going through with the abortion. Howevever since I was having second thoughts, I began calling my bf to figure out what we should do, he didn't answer my calls during that week and did not call me. I felt hopeless and alone. And I was already 8 weeks pregnant, so I knew that if I did not go through with it then, I might be screwed. So although I did not want to, I had the abortion. Did not tell my boyfriend, and did not tell my parents.
I only told my closest friends.
One of the friends I told was my best friend who is married to my bf's cousin. She was not supposed to tell anyone about it. It was a buried secret.
Two years have gone past since the abortion, and me and my guy have been doing great. He was finally starting to trusts me, after all my lies. He was thinking about marriage, etc. And he were extremely happy. Then last week, my friend--who's marriage to my guys cousin was already falling apart--got beat up by her husband, over something that he told me, that I went back and told her. This lead her to question him about it, he got angry, and got abusive. The police were called, and he was ostricized by his entire family, including my bf. My friends husband blamed me for the situation.
Last Friday, my bf stopped calling me--we usually see each other a lot during the week, and he calls me a lot. His phone was off as well. I didn't think much of it. But then another week went by, and his phone was off and still no call. So yesterday I was planning on making a surprise visit to his apartment to see him, when his cousin called me(my friends husband). His cousin asked me "Are you over Chris's place?" (chris is my bf). And I said I was not. He asked me when was the last time I talked to Chris. And I said I had not talked to him in more than a week. He told me he was trying to get in contact with Chris, and that he was calling because I'm usually over there. Well I'm told him that I was going to see Chris later that night, and that I was going to surprise him, because I had not heard from him and I was worried. His cousin then got quiet and told me not to surprise him, but did not explain why. Moments later, my best friend--his cousin's wife--called me and told me that Chris knew about the abortion and that I should not go over there. She said that her husband had told Chris the week before that I had a secret abortion, because her husband was angry at me still. She admitted to me that although she was not supposed to tell anyone about my abortion, that she did, and that her husband had known for a while now...
And that Chris said he understand why I did it, but was hurt and angry that I did it, because Chris did not agree with abortions, and could not believe that I would do something and not tell him, and just smile in his face the last two years without ever saying it.
Chris does NOT know that I know that he knows about the abortion. But Chris has not called me in ten days now. Generally in the past, when I lied about something Chris would call me within days and break it off with me--which would soon follow with him wanting me back days or weeks later. This time, even after he found out, he did not call me to dump me.
He is not want to NEVER call a girl again, so if he wants it over, he will let me know. But the fact that he hasn't called me yet or tried to dump me, is both surprising and scary. I'm not sure where me and him stand at this point. I know that I've messed up, and I don't blame him if he doesn't want me anymore. But i'm having a really hard time with this and I'm not sure what I can do.
According to my friend, Chris is going to have a talk with me about the abortion, but I'm not sure if this talk means he will dump me.
I'm just scared, because he's my first love and I don't want to lose him.

Views about abortion tend to be deal breakers.
Welcome to the board notreadyet87,
Sorry you are going through this.
Are you still in college?