BF Inappropriately Flirting with Others
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BF Inappropriately Flirting with Others
| Thu, 03-27-2008 - 12:37pm |
I have a major problem. My boyfriend of three years, two children, has started to inappropriately flirt with everybody and anybody, 85, married, whatever, whenever he has a couple drinks. I never had this problem until almost a year ago. He makes sexually explicit comments to any woman present, regardless of age or relationship status. He stares at anybody for hours. When people tell him to lay off, he refuses to stop. If the person is really drunk he will tell everyone that she is his girlfriend because she is like passed out and won't say anything to defend herself. I find that particularly disturbing and so does everyone else. I think it is particularly hurtful to our children and completely embarrassing to me. He is completely appropriate when he is sober, he won't even talk to a women unless she is a waitress or something and he has to. He seems to be shy and fearful of women when he is sober. I try to talk to him about it but he either changes the subject or says I'm to jelous and he does it because they like it and they are all really gross and he's not doing anything wrong. He's always been faithful, etc. and I shouldn't be bothered by his behavior.

Clearly, your boyfriend has a significant problem and it also impacts upon you. His behavior is not only completely inappropriate, but it is disrespectful and demeaning to you. Unless he is willing to face it and realize that he is behaving in an abusive manner, there's no way this will change. You have to let him know that it won't work for him to blame you for his problem. It's not due to your jealousy, it's simply behavior that is unacceptable. If he still won't face it and work on it, get some help for it, then you have to take a good look at what you're doing in the relationship? Why are you still there?
All good wishes,
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Welcome to the board angelwings1986,
I have to say I agree with Dr. Shoshanna's advice, I only wanted to add:
Welcome to the board angelwings1986,
Your bf
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How old is he? If the 1986 in your username is your birth year, then I can assume he might be around your age which is quite young...? As in, not going through a mid life crisis?
You say he's only recently started to flirt with other women. When someone's feelings change drastically, their actions change drastically as well. Has he undergone a significant change in his life? How affectionate are you with one another? You didn't say if he is the father of the two children but how is his relationship with them?
Maybe he's feeling depressed or unwanted sexually. Men can act like real idiots when their needs are unfulfilled.
Whatever the reason I hope you have the gall to say that you're not going to tolerate it, because as a woman you know how disgusting it feels to be objectified by a pervert. He's out of his mind if he really believes these women enjoy that kind of attention.
If he can't get some serious help or at the very least admit that what he's doing is not right, then I don't think he's that crucial a person in your life to hold on to.
He needs to nip this in the bud now. He obviously needs to find a way to stop drinking and then seek therapy for his issues with women, with or without alcohol.
Talk to him about it and