BF is leaving jail, entering rehab.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
BF is leaving jail, entering rehab.
4
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 6:36am
Okay my boyfriend is having a problem with drugs, xanax. He got into a car accident or something and was charged with a DUI. So now he's in jail and he's coming back on the 27th. Then he will be doing some rehab for six months or so. I want to be supportive but I'm just not sure how I can show it. He has been lying to me for months about this. Like I had the idea he was going things like this but never actually had proof. I've asked him and asked him dozens of times if he uses drugs at all and it's always been 'no.' Now it's all out there and I just want him to be open with me. Why would he lie to me about this entire thing? Now he's admitting he had a problem but he always hid it from me. I'm not sure how I should be reacting. I want him to be open with me, I really want this relationship to work. I have always been kind of a bitch to him about drinking and smoking so he's just scared of the way I'm going to react. I'm actually not sure what I'm asking. I just want to know how you would handle the situation. How can I make him be honest with me? What can I do to encourage his recovery? I'm sick of judging him for the person I am expecting, I want to love him for who he is. What can I do to accept this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 7:33pm

Welcome to the board jennaleighh.


I think you need to let him go through rehab and see what happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 10:21pm

"I have always been kind of a bitch to him about drinking and smoking..."

Could you explain what you mean by this? Do you mean that he drinks a lot and smokes a lot and you let him know that you don't like it? Or do you mean that you are always warning him that if he takes up these habits that you will be angry?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 2:34pm
Over a year ago he started smoking and that just completely grosses me out and I broke up with him because he used to do it behind my back. Now he's gotten into much worse things and I'm just really mean about it. Like he'll admit to doing something and I'll just be like "you're so disgusting." or "you make me sick." I am just really rude, I don't know why. I want him to stop. He's hurting his body so much and he got into a car wreck while he was intoxicated. He's going to end up really hurting someone, and hisself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 2:43pm

You can not make him be honest with you. You can't control anything that he does. These are his choices to make and only he can choose to be honest with you. Having grown up around addicts, I can tell you that it is normal for them to lie to everyone about their addictions. After all, they are lying to themselves about it.


The way you can support him is to visit him in rehab and don't make rude comments about his smoking, drinking, etc.