BF may be seriously mentally ill....
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| Mon, 01-05-2004 - 10:48am |
I've posted here before about some of the issues that he and I have had in the past and some of the current ones too. I've just never really seriously entertained the idea that something might be seriously wrong with him. The thing is that he's displayed mildly in the past a lot of the behavior that is now causing me to believe that there is a much bigger problem. I'm sure that I dismissed his behavior and kinda chalked it all up to isolated incidents and more often than not I even believed that if I were different or if I were better or something that he wouldn't be that way but in many ways I know that is not true.
The behavior I speak of is a little difficult for me to discribe as I've never experienced it before with anyone else. Nor have I seen it displayed by anyone in my presence. He and I have had our share of problems most of which have stemmed from him cheating on me in the past. He has also had a lot of problems with honesty. We broke up for about four months and got back together this past August and since then we've gotten closer in every way. I guess maybe that's why these problems are showing themselves now.
In about October he started really becoming very arguementative and edgy. He began insinuating that I may have been unfaithful to him a month into our relationship because I was getting "strange" calls during late hours. I have never been even remotely unfaithful to him and furthermore I couldn't understand why he was bringing up something that happened well over a year ago that we had never discussed before this. When we would have these discussions that he began to always bring up he would get really angry and start yelling uncontrollably. He would just ramble on abou things that were just rediculous and make insinuation after insinuation. Then he would start to cry and scream and hold his head and say things like "They" think I'm crazy, They lie etc etc. This would also take place mainly whenever I came to him and told him that I didn't like something he was doing or I confronted him about a problem of ours. If we're having a discussion and it's not going in a direction that he wants or if he can't get me to admit to something he's accusing me of. He'll again scream and yell and even throw and break things. He'll tell me to leave and then when I go to leave he'll snatch MY coat and purse from ME and scream for me to LEAVE HIM ALONE and get away from him. He'll start breaking things while screaming and crying and then say oh no look at what "they" make me do. Then I just go into another room and wait for the rage to subside and it does within only a couple of minutes. But then the strange thing is that he becomes completely normal and acts as if nothing happened. Litterally within like 2 minutes he's fine again and he'll be like " hey i'm starving lets make some dinner". It's so odd to me and it makes me so sad because during this rage he says horrible things to me and cries so hard.He's never ever hit me before or even touched me violently. I just don't know what to do and at the same time i'm not sure if it's my place to do anything at all.
I don't worry about him cheating and things like that anymore but now there's this major thing between us. I don't know if i should stick by him and try to work it out with him or even just try not to "piss him off" so we can avoid it. I do love him dearly but i need advice on whether this is somehing that's going to get better. I know that he is not really open to therapy at all. He gets upset when i even mention it because he thinks that there is nothing wrong with him and according to him he only acts this way when "people" make him act this way.He says that if i did this or didn't do that then he wouldn't get so angry. He also kinda slighly makes little sarcastic remarks about the fact that i see a psychologist. If someone who's going through this or who knows what this is about or whatever can just give me any feedback that would be really appreciated. I just need a little advice. I'll listen to what anyone has to say.
Thanks so much for reading.
Niobe

If he refuses - end it. You CANNOT help him - he MUST help himself - and if he is unwilling to do so (by seeing a professional), sticking around is like waiting for a bomb to go off.
Peace - Pebbles
Thanks,
Niobe
If he refuses to go, you should get out quick. I think you should get out anyway, but if you are determined to stay until you've done all you can do, I'd suggest the above.
Best of luck to you,
Blondie
Regardless of his mental state, you can not live in a position where you are walking on eggshells and taking verbal abuse.
Maybe it is time to separate until he gets help.
Thanks everyone,
Niobe
Good luck.