BF no show on Valentine day

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
BF no show on Valentine day
6
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 8:45pm
Ok here the situation. my BF who has just asked me to move in stood me up yeaterday- no call nothing so he could spend the day with his 5 year old daughter. my BF and her mom had already made plans for her to be babysat by his parents so she with her boyfriend and me with him could be together on this day- but again his daughter wanted him and this time as usual he just stood me up, no call, no flowers nothing until almost midnight when he shot me an email saying- oh i had a long day with Mia and i can't see u tommorrow because we r going to the zoo?

i sat here looking at my computer screen for a while until i just started to cry- then my other emotions set in...

even her mom get mad at his for overruling her and always spoliing their daughter when he does not do this with the son. now not only do i not think i can move in but i think i just may want to walk away.

why should i always be last even on set days. he has his daughter 5 days out of a 7 day week i only ask for one dayto ourselves. her mom even agreed with me ao a month in advance we made these plans. she was only going to her grandparents 3 blocks away. why are my feeling never considered? please help, i am really hurting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 10:54am

I dont have children of my own, so I dont know how i would react, I can only hope that if and when my child asked me to spend time with them, Knew how to respectfully balance my time between home and love.


This

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 1:46pm

there are two separate issues here. first - you and your BF made plans to spend time together on Valentines time and - putting aside the child issue for a moment - he did not even bother to CALL you and tell you that he couldn't make it. that is plain rude and disrespectful. he COULD have called you at least. if this is part of a pattern - then you want to ask yourself why you would want to be with someone who treats you this way.


second - he is a dad, and for whatever reason (guilt?) he is choosing to let his five year old dd run his life. that is his choice. (doesn't matter what you think, doesn't matter what his ex thinks, doesn't matter what we think). its not that HE is putting you last, its that you are putting up with this.


parents are parents, and he will continue to parent his child until she is at least 18, probably longer. that means time, and effort, and money that you may feel should be put into YOUR relationship --- won't. that is the way it should work with ANY parent. but most parents understand about balance - obviously he doesn't. have you tried to talk to him about this? (and don't mention that his child's mother thinks he is spoiling the child). IF he is willng to listen to you, IF he is willing to learn - then maybe therapy would help. otherwise I honestly don't think there is much you can do here. you can either accept that this is the way his life is going to be from now on. or you can move on. sorry...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 2:05pm
ITA with sk1960. Your BF is allowing his DD to run his life, to an extent that even his DD's mom disagrees with. This will only get worse when DD grown older and will have more and more demands.

There is really nothing you can do about it. On top of that, your BF does not even pay minimal civility to you. I would find it unacceptable, and I would break up with him right away. That's just me, and of course you make your own choices. Just be aware that he probably will not change, and if you are not willing to put up with it (and you shooud not), then you are better off breaking up and moving on. Just because he decided to turn his life around his DD's needs doesn't mean you have to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 3:58pm
Did you post before about how he is with his daughter?

If so, and I remember correctly, then it's time to walk away from this man.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 4:08pm
Yep! i posted before about some other issues we were having since he asked me to move in with him. at first i thought it was just a few things that needed to be worked out before we were living under the same roof, but now it seems to be a whole other picture.

i just don't know what i'm doing - we talk one thing out and when i start to relax something else happens.

i feel worse then coming in last- i feel like an afterthought these past weeks or even worse then that an obligation- but the email and not even a call was the last straw for me...i just have not made that call, i keep hoping he will but as it is well into the afternoon and i have not heard anything from him since that late night email...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 4:15pm
so he's not willing to go to a parenting class or couple's counseling?

Then walk away....unless you can live with his behavior and choices.


Carrie