BF is paranoid

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
BF is paranoid
11
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 7:12pm
My boyfriend is cool. I like him but I do not trust him. I started off trusting him. Then, I noticed some weird behavoir. A few months into the relationship he started getting all jumpy around his cell phone. Also, he gets all jumpy when I am around his computer and sometimes clears this history. He does this because I found pics of his ex on his computer. His ex's sister was getting married so it was pics of the wedding. That is excusable. I don't understand why he keeps clearing the history.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 7:26pm

If you don't trust him, you shouldn't be with him, whether it's his illness or otherwise. You will not be able to help a schizophrenic, even a mild one, to open up emotionally; that's a big part of the disorder. If he's receiving medical treatment then that's great but it's also the most that can be done.

You might be at the point where you have to ask yourself "am I happy with who he is?"
When mental illness is involved, a situation much more complicated. His problems are not yours to solve, unfortunately, and while I know you'd love to ease his burden, it's either up to him to deal with it, or it's just not possible with the state he's in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 7:56pm

'I do not trust him'


Then you shouldn't be with him. Either he is doind something untrustworthy or he is so paranoid that he is even afraid you may find something when there is nothing to find. He is paranoid of his own behavior.


I hope he is in therapy. Have you thought about going with him sometime?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 8:14pm
I want to work this out though. I've only been with him for 6 months. I feel like there has to be some chance of working this out.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 10:06pm

Welcome to the board tennischic,


Six months and you don't trust him. That is not a good sign.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 10:59pm

What does he say when you ask him about his jumpyness? It may be related to his condition, but it might just be his personality or he may in reality be hiding something. We don't know him and therefore can't even attempt to jump to conclusions.

I do have a few things to say, though. Finding out that he has a severe mental illness 6 months into the relationship isn't a good sign. This is my own personal opinion, but I think that if he were responsible, he would have told you about his condition *before* you got involved into a relationship. Any chronic illness, psychiatric or not, is something to consider when you decide to make a commitment. Its too late now, however it's not too late to discuss his condition. Having had a relationship and a close friendship with a person with schizophrenia before, I found it helpful to know the ins and out of the illness. I made sure I knew about his major symptoms (small details are less important), what happens when he's late taking his medication, how to tell if he's having a "bad day", etc. Even if his symptoms don't interfere a lot with his everyday life, it's good to know what you're getting yourself into, how to interpret what's going on and to be involved in his life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 5:00am

At six months, you probably don't really have too much of an idea about what it is like to be in a relationship with a person who has mental health issues (especially schizophrenia) I can tell you having been married to somebody that was depressive, that I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 12:52pm
Did you notice this behavior before you found out about his mental illness or afterwards? I am just wondering if now that you know about it if you are looking for signs of it.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 1:41pm

I'm 23 and he's 25. I did notice some weird habits but I kind of ignored them.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 2:05pm
Since you want to make this relationship work maybe you should try researching schizophrenia so you can learn more about the illness and what you could be dealing with.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 2:15pm

Schizophrenia is a very serious illness. I'm not sure exactly how this manifesting in your boyfriend, but you certainly should learn a great deal more about it, if you plan to stay in this relationship. It's too bad that he did not tell you until you were so far into the relationship, but let me say this, if you cannot trust someone, whether or not he has schizophrenia, it is unhealthy to remain in that kind of situation. In all relationships it is necessary to communicate honestly with one another, to respect the other person's feelings and to create a situation which is safe, respectful and loving. I don't know anything really about him, except what you've said here, so I can't say whether or not he is able to do this.


If I were you, I'd ask myself exactly what I'm getting out of this relationship, what my hopes were for the future and whether or not it were possible for them to be fulfilled. See if you've put yourself into a no win situation. See if you can become clear about who you are and what you want, and then make a healthy choice for yourself.


Best wishes,

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