b/f punishing me b/c of financial prob!
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b/f punishing me b/c of financial prob!
| Thu, 05-20-2004 - 4:18pm |
I am 17 years old and my boyfriend is 18. We have been together for 1 year and 8 months. A couple of months ago, he got a speeding ticket, and just went to court for it a couple of days ago. He had 3 choices to make and choose to take Defensive Driving classes for his punishment. So now he has to pay a total of $137 for the court and driving school, and he is also getting his citizenship next week which will cost a couple of thousand dollars. He also needs to pay for his last months cell phone bill. The problem is that he doesn't work, so his mom has to pay for everything. So his mom is real upset now at him, and so I won't be able to see him for a while b/c he lives a hour away from, and he doesn't have money for gas. But what is bothering me is that he told me that for nbow he has to just forget about me, and that he won't be able to talk to me as much or see me till all of this stuff is paid for and over (which I am afraid will take a couple of months)! I told him that I am willing to help him in away that I can, but he won't let me help him. He says that he doesn't need my help, and that he can do this on his own. I feel like I am also being punished by everything b/c he is almost like withdrawing himself from me. He let me help him when he was arrested and sent to jail, he let me bail him out and stay up till 5 in the morning to get him, even though I had school in a couple of hours. But now he is pushing me away and wont have anything to do with me. I love him a lot, and I know that he loves me, but I don't want him to go through this by himself. What do you think I should do? I really want to help him, but I am thinking that he won't let me b/c money has always been a thing with us b/c I am practically the one who pays for stuff when go out and sometimes even for his gas. I am thinking that since I have paid for everything in the past and helped him out a lot, he won't let me help him this time or ever again. He told me that this whole thing is too much for him, and is making him frustrated, but if he doesn't let anyone help him, that is just gonna make things worse. Is it possible for me to do something so that he will see that he needs someones help? Or do I just need to give him his space like he said, and just wait for everything to blow over and be finished? I don't wanna hurt, but I also don't want him to hurt? What do I do?

Carrie
I have a sister your age and she has the same problem - a boyfriend who she tries to "nurture" and "help" by taking care of him and not forcing him to stand on his own 2 feet. Trust me, this will get old. You should be looking for someone who is your equal. I'm sure he is a nice guy, but obviously not very responsible if he is not working AND gets tickets and gets himself arrested (for what?). His parents are also doing him a disservice by paying for everything for him. He made this mess, he's old enough to start taking care of it. I can see them helping him out IF he's also helping himself, but everyone is teaching this guy to depend on others to "mother" him.
I say let him stay away and figure this out himself. If he misses you enough, he'll get off his butt and get a job so that he can see you. Obviously, it's not quite important enough to him.
Edited 5/20/2004 7:11 pm ET ET by blondie0506
like ivdarian, i was also wondering why he was arrested?
second thing i was wondering about - what is it that YOU do in life? how is it that YOU have all this money to bail him out? do you work? go to school? is it your parent's money?
in general, this entire 'relationship' sounds very lopsided and extremely unhealthy. you can't "fix" him, especially if he doesn't want your help. he is not wrong in wanting to get on his own two feet on his own. and i know that this is hurting you - but he needs to be his 'own' person before he can be in a relationship.