bf terrified of marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2007
bf terrified of marriage
6
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 11:40am

Hi

I have been with my bf for 10 months now and lately we starting talking about where this relationship is going.

I'm 31 and he's 29.

Well it turns out he loves me a lot and sure he wants to be with me. But he admits he's terrified of marriage since his ambition is his career and he;s scared married life will not help him achieve his goals

We nearly decided to break it off but we can't stay without each other. He is being very down lately and quiet and i know its because he is thinking about our future. He also says he's not ready to meet my parents yet.

Is it too soon to take certain decisions? I'm scared of wasting my time but then I also believe in our love. I was thinking to let at least a year pass

Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 12:35pm

Welcome to the board lovemetender2007,


When my DH and I first started dating he was not open to the idea of marriage at all. I was okay with that because I wasn't looking for anything really serious at the time. As time went along, he became more and more open to the idea. I didn't badger him about marriage, but after we were together for a little over two years I let him know that I couldn't stay in the relationship forever if he wasn't willing to get married. I told him it didn't have to be right about, but I just wouldn't wait forever. We got engaged after three years and married within three months of getting engaged.


The thing that worries me about your bf is that he doesn't want to met your parents yet. Does he give a reason for this? I met DH's parent about a month after we started dating.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 12:40pm
he doesn't want yet because for him to meet the parents means that you have started talking about marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 1:15pm

Why does he feel that marriage will interfere with his ambitions and career goals? Is he flat against marriage, or does he want to be in a certain place in his career beforehand?

Many people feel they should have certain accomplishments before settling down. However, he sounds more against marriage than just wanting to made various achievements in life first.

Meeting your parents shouldn't have to mean anything about marriage. Not sure where he's getting that idea from.

If marriage is something you strive for, I think you'll need to find out what his true feelings are on the subject and decide if you can live with his answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 1:36pm
I don't think it means that you are talking about marriage at all.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 3:27pm

All of us can say that it doesn't mean if you meet the parents then it's because you're thinking marriage, but the point is HE thinks it, and you're not dating any of us, so our opinions on that don't really hold much water, you know?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:33am
well today he told me that it's because he wants to be in a certain place in his career beforehand, because he knows how hard it is today, financially