BF wants X fiance to move in w/us

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
BF wants X fiance to move in w/us
21
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 2:01pm
I am back on the board.. looking for advice.

My BF, after a disagreement, called his EX fiance ( who is dying to see me out of the picture) to ask her if she would stay in our apartment while I am in the hospital getting surgery for 4 days.

He said he did it out of anger,but then also claiming that he didnt want to leave the apt alone while he was away for a residency and while I was in the hospital.

We have TONS AND TONS of people who would watch our apt, but he actually CALLED her and she said yes! NOW WHAT?!? I dont want this woman in my house.. sleeping in my bed!

What should I be angry about here.. the fact he called her? the fact he is ignoring my feelings about her and her constant invasion into our relationship that has now come to the point that she will be in my home while I am in the hospital?

Advice .. PLEASE!!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 3:17pm
Wow. Instead of being angry, I'd take a look deep inside myself to find out why in the world I was with such a jerk. Seriously, to do something so foolish means he is incredibly immature, vindictive or insensitive ...or all 3. This is really the type of guy you want to be with? Don't say he has his good points -- everyone does. But everyone doesn't treat their partner as you are being treated. Don't you think you deserve better? You get exactly what you accept for yourself and nothing more. GOOD LUCK.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 3:23pm
My reaction in just reading the title of your post was, WHAT???

Even if you had a fight, his reaction is absolutely unjustifiable. Plus, he has no right to decide who watches your apt without consulting you. He messed up, he fixes it. I'd tell him to call back the ex, apologize to her (...), and tell her that he does not need her moving in. Or, he is an ex boyfriend. Period. You deserve a lot better than someone who, instead of being caring and supportive when you are on the point of a hospital stay, does such an insensitive thing. Geeesh. He should grovel for months!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 3:24pm

Put your foot down, woman!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 4:03pm
Wow! I agree totally! Just imagine her snooping through your belongings while she's there. A definite dealbreaker for the relationship if he doesn't fix this immediately.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 4:09pm
Tell him that it is completely inappropriate to have her stay at your place - unless he is not there and staying elsewhere - if so then I think it is ok for her to stay in your empty apartment.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 4:18pm

Deena, you have GOT to be kidding me!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 4:40pm
I really have to thank everyone who has posted to this discussion. I really think that I have the courage ( and balls) to go home right now and give it to him fair and square.

I felt so upset about the whole thing earlier.. thinking that I was going to have to contend with this woman who would be sleeping on my sheets. (By the way, did I mention that this is no ordinary woman..He considered her THE ONE for years)

If he doesnt gravel and tries to turn the whole situation around on me to make it seem that I am the problem here... I think I am going to go BALLASTIC on him!!!!!

It will be the eye-opener to this relationship and its possible downfall.

I will post later on tonight to let everyone know the outcome here.. For all I know right now, I might be going into surgery knowing that I need to find a place to live when I get home.

Lissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 4:45pm
What if he does uninvite her? Does that make it o.k.??? The fact that he wanted her in your apartment and the fact that he did something to spite you combined with making a move that you can't control while you are recovering from surgery says to me that this guy is a class A jerk.

He obviously isn't over her if he tells you that she was the one.

Is he really worth the effort?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 5:02pm
Wow! What a jerk! First, I would call up the ex-fiancee myself and tell her in clear words that under no circumstance will she be staying in your apartment (and that you will have her kicked out if need be). Then I would call someone else to get them to stay in your apartment (and refuse entry to the ex if she tries to show). Last, I would break up with your guy & have him move out/you move out!! Fighting is not an excuse to disrespect your partner in such a manner.

*hugs*

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 5:09pm
I said "ok" not great and I presumed that it would only be with her consent. I'm just saying it would be a better situation if no one was there but she because then she would not have access to him which is her whole point. I did not mean "ok" as in "peachy" but as a possible alternative and a way to compromise. I definitely find his motivation for the whole thing jerky but if that alternative seemed acceptable to her and it could moot the situation then it would be "ok".

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