BF wont touch me cuz of my sexual past
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BF wont touch me cuz of my sexual past
| Tue, 03-16-2004 - 12:09am |
Me and my BF have been together for a year and I was his first partner and ive only had 2, but 1 of the guys ive slept with he used to know. well when ever I mention this guys name or he hears me mention it to someone else he gets very upset, even though I dont say anything about having sex with him, or if we talk about past relationships, because I want him to know about it, he tells me not to say anything about me having sex with someone else. My BF says it eats at him and he cant touch me or have sex with me for weeks, I always tell him that I regret the past but theres nothing I can do so we need to move on, but nothing will work. We always try talking about it but it dosent help at all. I feel like ive tried everything to help him move on and forget about it, im so fusturated because i want to help him and nothings working. If anyone out there has any advice or suggestions i would really appreciate it!

You said, "I always tell him that I regret the past but theres nothing I can do so we need to move on" but nearly as I can tell *you* are the one who is keeping this from happening. Why do you feel the need to discuss this other person? Why does his name come up in conversation? Why are you not more sensitive to your boyfriend's feelings on this matter?
"I feel like ive tried everything to help him move on and forget about it"
Not so. Everytime you mention this other guy, you are messing with your boyfriend's emotions. This is destructive behavior on *your* part and you need to look inside yourself to find out why you are doing it.
Frankly, I think it is *you* who is having trouble moving on. You have a current boyfriend but are going out of your way to keep your previous lover alive. This could be indicatative of self-esteem issues on your part or an unhealthy desire to hurt your boyfriend. Perhaps you really wish you were still with the other guy.
Or, perhaps you are just a mean little ...
You did nothing wrong by having sex before you met your boyfriend. You did not cheat on him. Also, it's not necessary for you to discuss your past with him, or for him to know details about it. In fact, this is a mistake in this case. Beyond this, his reaction to the fact that you had sex with someone else is His problem, not yours. Obviously, he has issues regarding jealousy and sexuality in general. The fact that he can't get past it indicates that he needs professional help in working this out and understanding what it means in his life. There is nothing you can do to make it better, as you did nothing to cause his problem. If he takes it out on you, makes you feel badly about it, won't touch you for weeks, etc., then His problem is becoming yours. This is causing you pain and also feelings of unworthiness. Before you continue in this relationship, let him know that this is a problem that he needs to work on. If he is unwilling to do so, you probably should think twice about a future with him.
Best wishes.
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
The problem does not lie within you, but him. For whatever reason, he cant deal with anyones past, as though he feels the needs to be you past, present
The past is the past. There is nothing to be ashamed of. So you had sex with a couple guys before you met your boyfriend. Big deal. If your boyfriend is too insecure or whatever to be with a woman who has had sex with someone besides him, then he needs to date a virgin. It is totally unfair of him to punish you for things you did before you and he were dating.
I'd leave this guy behind and move on.
Tiffany
I would say that most of us guys, and most of you women out there, would feel the same way.