bfriend's ex wife ok, ex girl problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2007
bfriend's ex wife ok, ex girl problem
5
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 3:18pm
i have been dating a single dad for the past 2 years... his ex wife does not convolute our relationship in anyway. i respect their relationship and her relationship with the kids. however, his ex girlfriend of 3 years, whom he dislikes, spends time with his children, particularly his daughter, 17 yrs old, and eldest adopted son, 24 yrs old. she even creates "family dinner" nights for the kids, which if she was the ex wife would make perfect sense to me.
am i crazy or is it a bit bizarre for an ex girlfriend to hold on to the family with such gusto?
how do i handle this situation without feeling like a complete outsider?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 3:24pm

Welcome to the board sashaluciana,


I do think it is a little unusual. Does she try to do things with your bf or involve him in these "family dinners"? What is his opinion about this?

Coltaramyspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 3:45pm

Hi sashaluciana and welcome to the board,


It is kind of odd to me.


Does your bf attend these 'family dinners'?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 3:49pm
Since she has known the children for several years, she may just want to stay close to them. If you and your boyfriend give these meals a pass the next three or four times (and in the meantime, YOU can prepare family dinners and invite the kids), she will probably give up. If your boyfriend refuses to skip the dinners even though you're having the kids over, then he's enjoying his time with the ex, and you have a decision to make.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 4:20pm
thank you coltara for validating my sense that it is a bit odd. my bf does not involve himself nor is he invited. if he were invited, he certainly would not attend. what is interesting is the kids absolutely hated her when she was dating their father. she was quite manipulative and leveraged the kids, especially his daughter, to cater to her fears and desires of her relationship with him. it was not until after they broke up that this relationship grew.
it makes it difficult for me, after being involved with this man and his family for 2 years, to feel that this woman is more accepted in the core family than i despite my positive relationship with the kids. if it was his ex wife i would understand completely.
he has gone from being frustrated to hurt as he feels disrespected by the kids and wonders about loyalty issues as a dad. finally he just threw up his hands saying, "what can one do?".
he does empathize with my situation. which i am thankful for. for a year and a half i have let this all go, as it didnt threaten me. seems recently to be getting a bit out of hand, and am feeling threatened and competitive regarding the kids and the family as a whole, which is the last way i want to feel, let alone act on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 4:21pm
thanks carrie... and you are so very right... hard to ignore... and i do have a feeling that at some point in their lives, they will understand.