Bf's sisters wedding is on/mine on hold.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2003
Bf's sisters wedding is on/mine on hold.
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 11:16am
After months of saying no, due to the fact that we are not engaged, I recently gave in and moved in with my boyfriend of 2 years. Financially, it made more sense. It drastically cut down our rent, mileage, gas, and time. This was under the stipulation that we would be getting engaged shortly after. I had no doubts in my mind that he would live up to this. He always follows through with what he says. He brings up marriage more than I do, so I figured that this would not be an issue. While we were out with our friends one night, he brought up marriage in so much detail that I couldn't tell if he was proposing right then or not. He went on about how he could "Pop the question" by mid summer of 2003 and we both agreed on a wedding in the beginning of September 2004. He went on so much as to totally drown out our friends' conversation and proceeded to write on a napkin, who would stand with who in the wedding. I was in heaven. Here's where the twist comes into play. Two days later his sister announces her engagement for June of 2004. I am very happy for her and wish them all of the best, however, now my boyfriend is saying that he wants to wait because his parents will not be able to afford both weddings. His sister is the only girl and WILL get the wedding of her dreams. I do not need that. I would like a nice wedding, but I also understand the times we are in are tough. My parents will help with the wedding but they can only do so much. I fully intended and prepared to sacrifice everyday petty wants to help finance our wedding. We both want a light colored summery wedding. In order to wait for that kind of weather in the state we live in, we would have to reschedule at least 8-10 months. I don't feel as if this is fair to get my hopes up and then tell me I have to hold off on our dreams due to bad timing. A wedding is something that every woman looks forward to and shouldn't get teased with. I feel like it was dangled in my face and taken away. I may just be acting like a baby in this matter, but I just don't see why he thinks we should put our lives and dreams on hold, so that someone else can get on with theirs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 11:28am
First off, it is not traditional for the groom's parents to pay for their son's wedding. Typically they pay for the wedding rehersal dinner, but the bride's parent's finance the wedding, although many couples pay for their own wedding - especially when they already live together or are a bit older and self-sufficient. Second, there's no reason why you can't become formally engaged now, even if the wedding is planned for a year or two away so that you can save the money needed or for any other reason, such as timing. Tell him that's what you want, a ring on your finger that announces your commitment and promise to each other - and if he refuses, move out. After all, that was the agreement to moving in together and he should honor it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 11:33am

Well, I understand your desire for a summer wedding, and a nice summer wedding, plus not wanting to have to wait until 2005 for it.

Your bf seems willing to marry you, so it's just a matter of having the kind of wedding you want. The wedding expenses are traditionally the bride's. Why don't you talk to your parents and figure out how much they can contribute, and plan a wedding based on a budget that doesn't require his parents' money? See how much you can contribute yourself.

Tell your boyfriend the two of you don't need his parents to give you cash, and you'll get your wedding when you want it.

Unless you want his parents' cash too. That might be a problem.