Big Decision Time
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|Tue, 10-15-2013 - 5:44pm|
First off, thank you in advance for your honest feedback and advice.
I have been married for 4 years to my first love. The last three years of our relationship have been the most challenging. Before marriage we lived with our parents. We bought a house then got married two months later so it all happened fast. At first, I was very happy but as time passed, my husband's attitude changed a lot. As my career soared, his stayed the same. I lost both of my parents. The grieving process was hard and still is. He is not a very compassionate person but he has not suffered any close loss before which I try to just accept. These are the two biggest issues I have with our marriage and for some, definite deal breakers but given our history and that I took vows forever, I have stood by him regardless.
Two years ago, we made a new mutual friend. The moment I met him, I was attracted to him and the feelings between us were mutual. He began flirting with me when my husband was not paying attention. I enjoyed it for awhile but then developed serious feelings for him. I distanced myself thinking that is was just a crush that would go away. They did not and things only got worse with my husband. Soon after, I approached him and we talked about our feelings. We talked about what we want out of life. We were on the same page but I was not willing to break my vows and leave. He is friends with my husband and felt the same way. We decided that if one day we are meant to be, we will be. We left it there and again, I avoided him for a couple months. It has been a year. He has been in and out of two relationships. I see him now and then. Everytime I am around him, my heart skips a beat and I fantasize about being with him both intimately and long-term. I had a dream a couple months back that I was at my baby shower and he was the father.It feels like he is the one who I am supposed to be with. Like one of those things you just know.
So the question is do I stay with my husband and relationship over a decade or leave my husband on a leap of faith based on my feellings that it could work out with the other guy? I would never break my vows and cheat so that is not an option. I am afraid to be alone and I am afraid to lose the only immediate family I have. I am very close with my husband's mother, siblings, nieces and nephews. It feels like there is so much at stake for a leap of faith. I also afraid that if I leave my husband I could end up alone because it won't work out with the other guy. It is complicated and we have many mutual friends. Then I worry if I miss out on having kids which I have been thinking a lot about. I am ready to be a mother.
So, I have a big decision to make. Has anyone been here before? Any advice you can offer is so appeciated. Thank you for listening.