Big Problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2007
Big Problem
6
Sun, 12-16-2007 - 11:39pm
I have a problem that I need some advice on. First of all you have to kinda know the story to understand but I will make it short. I was supposed to get married this in May 08 but it didn't work ( we were together 3 years) and he turned crazy!! I mean so crazy that I had to get a restraining order on him, and change jobs. But if that wasn't enough I just found out a week ago that I am pregnant with his child. See I already have one child that I raise by myself, and honestly he was a great dad to my child (no the its not his child) but he treated my child like it was his own. See I'm not sure what I need to do because he has some heart problems and I know some of his medical history but not all of it, and my doctor said its important to know exactly what problems he has, so we can know more about if it will effect the baby. But I'm not sure if I should tell him, because I know then he would want to be around then. I don't really want to raise a child without him/her knowing their father, but he has a lot of issues that I cant deal with (drugs,drinking) I spent a lot of time and money trying to keep him away from me now I find this out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: cutie124
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 12:21pm

Welcome to the board cutie124,


If you just found out your pg, how far along are you? Because you are making it seem like you haven't had contact with him in awhile, but that you just found out you are pg.


I really think it messes with a child if they go up never getting to know one of their parents. But then again if he has drug problems he wouldn't be a good influence. This is really your decision to make.


But if you don't want him to know he is the father, you will never be able to get child custody or welfare for the child because in both cases they make you tell who the father of the child is.


Personally, I don't think it's right for a man not to know he has a child.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2007
In reply to: cutie124
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 1:47pm
I am 4 months pregnant. (I didnt find out sooner because I didnt feel any symptoms until now. And my periods were never regular.) I'm so torn because like you I don't think its right for him not to know, but then I also don't think its right for him to know and not change and for the child to have to deal with a father thats "strung-out" all the time. See that was the whole reason we didnt work out I dont use drugs and when I found out he started using them I flipped out. I did however give him a chance to get help in which he lied and said he was but never did. So I left, then he turned crazy. I just want what will be best for the baby. I kinda feel like on one hand he will change but on the other I'm not so sure. I do know that once I tell him if I do that hes the type that will want to be a part of the babies life and under normal circumstances this would be fine, but these arent normal. I'm so stressed out debating over this I'm at my wits end.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: cutie124
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 2:03pm
Drugs are the big dealbreaker for me. Honestly, if I had a child with man that did drugs I probably would not let him see the child.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: cutie124
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 2:17pm
I would never let a man with drug problems, anger problems, obsession problems around my children. Isn't that more important then them 'knowing' a man like that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: cutie124
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 2:57pm

If you got a restraining order against him why would you endanger your child around him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: cutie124
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 3:54pm

Welcome to the board cutie124,


The beauty of this moment is that you don't have to decide anything.