Big Problem..Advice Please

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Big Problem..Advice Please
5
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 12:40pm

I found some documents, accidentally, in a folder that my boyfriend asked me to get some papers out of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 1:01pm

Welcome to the board nxsotic1,


In my opinion, he would not have printed off the list and made notications on it if he trusted you.


He said that your actions don't match your words. Do you think there is any truth to that?


I woudn't break up over this issue. Continue with the relationship and watch for any signs that he doesn't trust you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 5:54pm

Welcome to the board nxsotic1,


While he gave you reasons for his behavior (printing them off, making notes, not talking to you), I'd be concerned as you are about the incident.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 9:26pm

Yes, let this go. He hasn't done anything terrible. He simply felt a bit unloved and confused and was trying to figure out why he had these feelings. Everyone makes mistakes. He hasn't accused you or hurt you. He was simply trying to work something out on his own. You say he showed you loved these past weeks, (and I assume in general) , he hasn't been abusive, and so, it seems to me you should not dwell on this. Instead, it would be a good thing to have open, honest discussions on a regular basis when feelings come up. If he feels unloved, then he needs to learn to feel safe enough to express these feelings to you. And you need to be able to express your feelings for him, so he can feel more secure. It's not such a big deal. All couples have to communicate regularly and honestly and not criticize each other for the communication, but listen and honor what they hear. They trust builds naturally and confusion decreases.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 7:09am
Everyone is entitled to have doubts sometimes. If anything, I think this find should entice you to take a look at your actions and ask yourself honestly how you think you make him feel. Of course cheating is a strong accusation to make but he hasn't really accused you. He's still trying to figure things out. If you want, you can ask him to open up about it and say you'd be happy to have a talk with him to bring his doubts into the open.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 10:40am
thank you for the replies!!!