Big question, graphic and explicit. Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2007
Big question, graphic and explicit. Help
8
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 11:56am

Am I an idiot or not?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 1:54pm

Welcome to the board mba1984,


Good for you for cleaning up your life and getting healthy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 1:59pm

Welcome to the board mba1984,


Congrats on becoming sober. Just remember that this will always be a struggle for the rest of your life. My dad was sober for 10 years before he relapsed.


I think seeing a counselor is a great idea. Please continue to do that.


I don't think this is the right relationship for you, but ultimately that is your decision to make.


If you are going to continue having threesomes (which I am not judging you for) make sure you are using protection. There are so many stds out there these days. Also make sure you are doing it because you really want to and just to please him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2007
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 2:06pm

Yes he has quit. He is doing so well and his future is looking really bright for him. Which is comfort for menow because I feel better knowing that my partner is successful and wont get jealous of my success.


I know that I need to take it slow and that is whyI am thinking that I need to keep it at a distance while he is away. I feel like trying to overcome too much all the problems plus the issues we have with making time and overcoming distance will backfire.


I know that this is the only way to rebuild. I just wonder if it is smart to keep engaging.


I hear my heart loud and clear and I want to follow it but I am terrified of being hurt again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 2:12pm

It just doesn't seem like a healthy relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2007
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 2:13pm

Thank you for your honesty.


I do ask if this is the right relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2007
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 2:16pm

See that is just it, when he is home I am soo happy and I hate knowing that he will have to leave again. When he is gone I am miserable. I feel like I could handle all the horrible the world has to offer if he were there each night to make me smile.


But I wanted honesty and I guess I am getting that. Maybe I am blinding myself. Don't know. I think it is obvious from my reply that I am just not ready to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 2:22pm
I think if, knowing you have an alcohol problem, this man knowingly gets you drunk so that you will participate in threesomes, that is a major red flag of an unhealthy relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 2:23pm

Sometimes love is not enough. People can love each other very much, but at the same time aren't able to have a good, healthy relationship. One of my past relationships was like that. It took a lot for me to get the point where I realized that I just couldn't do it anymore.


To me that fact that he would often wait until you were really drunk to bring up the threesomes is very disrespectful. The threesome issue would be a good one to discuss in counseling.

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