Birthday and Heart Broken
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| Wed, 08-01-2007 - 1:34pm |
Okay so here is my story...
I never had a serious relationship until I met my ex boyfriend last March. We were absolutely in love and trusted each other completely for the year and 4 months we were together. He was a West Point cadet and also played College Basketball (like I did) which made him have a very very strict schedule. But we still found time to always see each other. Things were great up until around the time he was graduating this May. He started acting very frustrated all of the time and would take it out on me. I knew a big part of it was the fact that he was graduating, would probably never see his friends again, and was about to start his 5 year committment to the military. But I was still angry about it and wanted things to go back to normal and told him I think we might need to take a break after our vacation. He basically said "Let's go away and then you might not still want to do that." We had a trip planned to Hawaii the week after graduation and we were going with his other 3 guy friends (a horrible mistake on my part.)We fought alot in Hawaii because he wanted to do everything as a group and didnt want to spend any alone time with me. This killed me and we fought a ton even though I knew he might not see any of his friends ever again being that they were being shipped off all over the place for the army. Once we got back from Hawaii I broke down to him and told him I was not happy with the way things were going right now. He said that he thought we definitely needed a break. At the point that I realized he wanted a break I immediately realized that I didn't want one but he wanted it so I had to. The next day he left for his hometown in Ohio because he was going home from June 4- July 4. We still talked alot for the first couple of days and still said "I love you and I miss you." Then a couple of days later he called me and said he thought we needed to break up. His reason was because "he is going to be moving away for the army in 8 months and we are at the point when we either need to get married or break up" and neither of us were ready for marriage. I was miserable and couldnt eat or sleep for the next week. I just didn't understand why we had to break up right now just because he was leaving 8 months from now... I now am starting to realize that it cannot be the only reason. The hardest part is that he is currently living 4 blocks from my beach house. We met up to talk for the first time in person 3 weekends ago. We hung out for 5 hours and it was great. I gave him a letter I wrote him and he started tearing up (so I know he still cares about me) We ended up kissing that night. Then the next couple of days he didnt call or text me or anything. Finally he emailed me and basically said that "I cant get upset when he doesnt call me back if he forgets sometimes etc because right now we are not together." I then started playing the hard to get card and didn't contact him again that whole week. Saturday night I went out with all my girlfriends and ran into him at a bar. His first comment was "so you dont respond to my emails huh" and again we ended up hanging out for about an hour at the bar dancing and talking etc. I made the mistake of telling him I wanted to go home with him and he said he wanted to as well. Then about a half hour later I went to the bathroom and when I came back he was gone. I sent him a hateful text message and called him but he didnt answer. The next morning (this sunday) I texted him and apologized for the hateful text message that stated "I regret ever being with you." and he responded with "it's okay, did you have fun last night." We chatted a little via text and now it is Wednesday and I havnt made contact at all.
Now the dilemma...
Friday is my birthday. I cant stop thinking about whether he is going to call or text or not call at all. I just know it is going to drive me crazy if he doesnt call me and I will probably do something completely irrational. I know he still has feelings for me but breaking up is just making me question everything. I don't know what to do and all I do is cry about it to my friends. It has almost been 2 months and I am not even close to over him. I want him back more than anything.
Helpppp
Meg

Welcome to the board Meg,
You might want to follow the link in my siggy below to the Breaking up is Hard to do board.....sorry you are going through this.
You can decide how to 'react' or 'act' on Friday. But if your focus is on doing something irrational, you are saying you have no control over yourself and trust me, you really do.
My best to you.
Welcome to the board mmcurtin,
The reason you are not over him is because you are still in contact with this. This allows you to hang onto hope that you might get back together. You really need to have a conversion with him and ask him if he wants to get back together or not. If he doesn't, you need to end ALL contact with him. If you don't, you will never get over him.
Sorry you have to go through this.
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