a bit more than fear of commitment

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
a bit more than fear of commitment
2
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 6:56pm
There is so much detail I would like to include on this but I will try to keep it short and to the point. I am a divorced mother of two, shortly after my separation I became friends with a really funny and supportive co-worker. We got to know each other really well and then had a serious relationship for over a year. He has since moved away - a 3 hour drive - and while we talk about getting back together he is always hesitant to take the next step. We both agree that the relationship really was special and the reason it ended is because it was getting difficult for my young children to only see him every few weeks. We both see a future together, so much so that he recently bought a 3 bedroom house with my children in mind. His parents divorced when he was a child and from what I've gathered in was pretty nasty and still has some lingering issues 20+ years later! He is looking at the next step as an all or nothing thing. He thinks that because of my children he must look at this next step as a permanent commitment which I think would scare anyone away. I am more than willing to start dating slowly and seeing each other every couple weeks (we can meet half way) and just start slowly but he is hesitant. I can understand why being an instant boyfriend and instant father would intimidate anyone but what can I do about his fear to even try?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 1:43pm
That all sounds reasonable and pretty hopeful. Everyone has fears, the thing is, are you willing to discuss them, face them, and most importantly work through them. Personally I'm not someone who could do a long distance relationship, but if you guys can work it out, great. Him buying a 3 bedroom house with your children in mind sounds like a big commitment in itself. I say give it a chance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 2:08pm

Three hours isnt that far away....could he be using that as an excuse to not make the effort required to make a long distance relationship work? You need to have a heart to heart with this man and find out exactley where everything is goin because like you said, you have children involved now.