blood work and more...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
blood work and more...
11
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 10:55pm

negative!!!! Thanks to all of you who advised me to get the STD testing. I am so glad I ruled that out! It's hard enough that I am dealing with the possible dissolution of my marriage to have to worry about a sexually transmitted disease. Thanks again!


For those of you who are following my saga... I haven't decided yet what I am going to do. Many people advised me to stay others to run the opposite way. I am not too hopeful but I think the marriage deserves a chance; however' I have to see what the risks are and the payoffs.....I am scared and demoralized. That's why this decision is so hard for me. On one hand, I don't want to be my mother and take everything that comes my way and be the eternal submissive wife, but on the other hand; we had a great marriage for many years....


Yes, there was an affair (or two) , yes we have been separated for 3 years, yes, he says he loves someone else.. BUT... he's also willing to cut ties (try to anyway) with her and give our marriage a try. He says that, it will be difficult, but that because of DS, he is willing to give it a try.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 12:56am

I don't think it's a good idea for the two of you to get back together just

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 10:23am
Thanks for participating on the board happy-lady. Please feel free to stick around.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 10:27am

Thanks for the update marta_joe. I am glad to hear the blood work came back negative.


To me the fact that he would tell this other woman so many personal things about you is very disrespectful to you (but so is the fact that he had affairs). I don't understand why you would want to stay in a marriage with a man that would treat you this way. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you. Not someone who is staying with you would of pity.


Child would much rather be from a broken home than be in one. Do you want your DS to grow up thinking it is okay to treat women this way?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 10:52am

So far all I have heard in your email is how "he" feels, what he's doing, what he wants. Stop a moment and take a deep breath, and give yourself a chance to see how "you" feel. What kind of relationship do you want in life? Does he fit "your" bill? Are you taking him back simply because you want your child's father to be there, or because this represents security, or winning over the other woman, or because you truly love and want him? It's an important question. First check in with yourself and see how you truly feel, what you now need in a relationship that would work for you - that would be respsectful, healthy and life giving.


Secondly, you don't "know" how he feels at this point. Don't imagine all kinds of scenarios...don't explain all of his actions in your mind. That's dangerous. You have to wait and see what he says and does himself. You have to learn how to open up clear, honest, respectful communication with him. Communication that is dedicated to exploring what's really going on, not to making things come out a certain way.


If he does return, the two of you would certainly greatly benefit from good couples therapy, where you can explore all that happened with a well trained, supportive, objective professional, and then create new structures for a relationship that can go forward in a healthy way.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 3:31pm
Thanks Tara.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 8:00pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 10:19am
I just wanted to say it appears that you still have major trust issues with him because you say he "supposedly" broke up with the other woman 2 days. Why do you not believe him on this?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 1:01pm

Seriously????

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 1:11pm

I replied to you on the other board and totally agree with Sandra's advice over there.


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=24285.1&ctx=128


and your clarification

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 1:26pm

I guess I didn't explain myself well enough in my post. Of course, I don't expect her to be over her trust issues with him. He has lied to her and cheated on her and pretty much said he would wants to try again with her out of pity.


I was trying to get her to think about why she is even wanting to try again with him when she doesn't even believe him about saying he broke up with the other woman. If she can't even trust him at all, than why she is even trying. I was just trying to get her to think and realize she doesn't trust him and that she should rethink this.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Pages