Boredom? Lack of Intimacy? Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Boredom? Lack of Intimacy? Help!
4
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 8:46pm

Hi, I am new here, but need some advice. I have been with my bf for 2 years now, and the last year has been rough. There were obviously some good times, but amidst the good times, I think things have become very routine between us. We talk everyday but dont really have much to say, it seems mostly mundane, how was your day, how was yours, etc. I see him every weekend, from Friday to Sunday (we live a few hours apart), and we used to go out all the time (to bars, clubs, etc.) but mostly these days have ended up in front of the television, not really engaging in each other that much. When we do go out to dinners, or to see other friends, sometimes the conversation is strained, I feel like I am boring him. Our sex life has also deteriorated, we pretty much have a very set routine that we follow, which is basically no foreplay, sex in specified positions, and right before bed. We had a big fight a few weeks ago, where basically he told me he felt we were in a rut, that I never initiate sex (which was true), and that he thinks I need to find my own passion for life. We ended up staying together, but ever since then I have been trying to make our relationship better. I have been suggesting new things to do in bed, new things to do when we see each other, but it still feels like a struggle. He doesnt seem to want to communicate about sex, when I tell him what I like, or fanatasies, he acts interested, but doesnt tell me about his. Also, when I invite him to do things that I would like to do (he doesnt seem interested, although he will oblige to it anyway), at the same time, he isnt trying to come up with new things either. I can't figure out what to do anymore. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 10:15pm

Welcome to the board maryanne007,


Also have you asked him out on a date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 11:34pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 1:32pm

Welcome to the board maryanne007,


It does sound like a rut to me. How about going away together for the weekend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 2:03pm
That's the other thing, he doesnt want to go away for a weekend, cause he says he is too busy with work and his hobbies. I am beginning to feel like a nonpriority!