Both of us had affairs - will we be ok?
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Both of us had affairs - will we be ok?
| Tue, 04-27-2004 - 7:22pm |
Ok were to begin. First of all H & I have been married 10 years. About 5 years ago right after L was born, H made me feel like a single parent. He went out w/ friends I stayed home with baby. I felt unloved, unappreciated, and extremely depressed. I met someone and ended up having an A. After 5 months I realized that my problems weren't solved by the A but actually more complicated so I ended it. I must say it was VERY hard to tell someone who stroked your ego to have NC. But now 5 years later H came to me out of the blue and said "i'm not happy anymore, we fight too much, I'm moving out" when I asked if there was someone else he denied it(but what was I expecting really) He moved in w/ his parents and I went through 3 weeks of hell and came out the otherside. I found out there was someone else. When I asked again he admitted that he'd been seeing someone. Then he did a 180 and said he was sorry and he wanted to try to work things out. He told the OW and he wanted NC we were going to work on our marriage. We adopted a No Secrets Policy. This means we HAVE to fess up if the other questions you. Well, he questioned me about the fact that he'd heard I was cheating on him. I confessed but told him that I'd made my decision and that my marriage was too important to just throw away. I realized that there were problems in the marriage and that the A wasn't helping them only adding more strain. But H has still yet to move back home and it's been 3 weeks. I go see him and he comes over to see me and we spend the weekends together. It's almost like we are dating again. My question is this, am I wasting my time trying to hold onto something that isn't there? And can a marriage survive when both partners have had A's

Affair-Proof Your Marriage: Understanding, Preventing and Surviving an Affair by Lana Staheli
Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David
After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful -- Janis Abrahms
Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain by Rona Subotnik, Gloria Harris
Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore
His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr
Carrie