Boyfriend of 3 years -what should I do?
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| Thu, 06-24-2004 - 2:14am |
I would appreciate some advice if anyone has the time!
I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and over that time we've had some really good times and bad. He lost his Mum last May to suicide and ever since then we have never been the same. He relied on me for strength and I was there to give it to him but at times it feels like he has been taking advantage of me and my caring nature.
Yesterday he told me on the phone that he did not want to be with me anymore because he was "so confused" and "didn't know what he wanted." I find this hard to believe because he is always telling me how he loves me more than anything in the world and wants to be with me.
I'm not sure where to go from here. On one hand it sounded like he wanted to break things off but on the other he just sounded mixed up as when I told him "fine I'll leave you, but you'll be sorry" he revoked his statement and said "why would you give up on us?"
I'm tempted to go to his place and try and talk things out in person. Or do you think I should leave him be for awhile? I am so furious at him for acting this way as if it's true and he doesn't want to be with me then he's been lying all this time!
Thank you for reading!
sunny

Try not to be furious - you didn't do anything wrong. He just needs space to miss you.
In the mean time, pamper yourself and enjoy your freedom and own space.
Sounds like your bf is going through the same feelings - hence the confusion.
"fine I'll leave you, but you'll be sorry" He's told you he's confused, and considering what I said above, I find it a particularly hurtful and not very thoughtful statement.
I don't believe he's intentionally seeking to take advantage of you, but right now doesn't know what he's able to provide you with either - again, the confusion.
I wouldn't be getting 'furious' with him. I'd be offering him space and support as he needs it, but I'd also be gently advising him that, at some stage, he's going to have to deal with his mixed emotions (which I believe have little to do with you or your relationship, but are more about him and himself), by whatever means he feels necessary - either counselling, or simply working through his feelings with your love and support.
This isn't about you, it's about him. Be patient.
Unfortunatlyey, hes lost rightnow. He just suffered a major loss, an unexpected one at that. He is hurt, confused and angry. He doesnt realize it yet, but the one person he needs now more than ever, is the one he is pushing away. Sooner or later, he'll realize he made a mistake, its up to you whether you'll still be there.
I understand your wanting to go there and try to make him realize things, but it just wont work rightnow and you may end up letting slip further in his "hole" he is trying so hard to make for himself. i would, however, let him know that you love him and care very much and are trying to understand what hes going through. make sure he knows you understand his need for space and confusion on things and when hes ready to talk, you'll be there.
Best wishes,